I don’t need good. I don’t need really good. I don’t even need sort of good. I just need ok. I just need things, life, to be ok. I say it –over and over again. I say the word like it takes no effort. As if saying it enough will somehow be ok. I say it because it seems like it is within grasp. Reasonable. Reachable. Doable. Ok.
But it is anything but, ok.
I don’t want good. Good ends. Good leaves. Good dies. Good hurts. I don’t want good. I don’t need good.
But ok. I can handle ok. I can do ok. I can be ok.
Sometimes it seems that ok is out of my grasp. That I am just one small step away from being so not ok.
I just, need to be ok tonight. And I’m not. And I don’t know what to do.
I am so…tired of not being ok. I want to be ok –so badly, that I hold onto the blind hope that there is something to be ok.
So this is me. Not being ok. Because that is the closest I can get to being ok. And right now…all I need is to just. Be. Ok.