One of Those Weeks

It’s been a difficult kind of week.  One that makes you want to roll it up, shove it out the window and forget it even happened.  Simply slice the week off the calendar and move along.  Right along.  But you can’t.  Because the decisions and happenings of this week – won’t just stay in this week alone.  They change the direction of life, and head us down a different road.

This week, it has seemed that life has hung us off the edge of a cliff while yelling “How do you like me now?” The answer to that is, and will always be: Not very much.

On Monday on my way to drop Josh off at school, I glanced out the window to ensure that Dylan was waiting for the bus.  It was going to be just another Monday.  Nothing special.  Nothing good.  Nothing bad.  Just another ordinary day.  Ordinary week.  Except it would be the last time I would see him until Wednesday.

Because few hours later I got a phone call asking why Dylan wasn’t attending school.  Since he has played hooky more than once, I dismissed their questions, rolled my internal eyes, prepared the speech and headed home to kick him on his way to school.

Except that he wasn’t at home.  And no one was sure where he was, just that he had ridden the bus to school – and walked away.

Which is when my heart sunk, -just a little bit more.  Because while everyone else seemed to pass it off as “He’s just hiding out from you and school” approach, it didn’t seem that way to me.  It wasn’t until the late hours of the day did I return home.  Empty handed, ½ expecting ½ hoping that he had found his way home.  Except that he hadn’t.

Tuesday proved to be more of the same with some added panic and anxiety tossed in because one can never have enough of that.   Early Wednesday morning, found me pacing the halls of the hospital after an early morning phone call that he had been brought in.  It wasn’t until much later in the day did they finally tell me what had went on, which can be loosely translated into “He did it good this time.”

The official report would go something along the lines of attempted suicide, blood loss and possible nerve damage.

It’s been one of those weeks.

Friday the reality of what he had done, was beginning to sink in.  At least for him it was.  The reality of what he had done had already sunk in for me on Monday, when I realized he wasn’t where he should be.  And he wasn’t going to be.

It’s been one of those weeks.

That have been filled with visits from doctors, and therapist, well knowing and well meaning people alike.

One of those weeks…

That could have been very much ordinary, and very much tragic, yet instead went somewhere right down the middle.  Not ending as bad as it could -but definitely not as good as it could either.

I am trying to focus on the fact that we have another chance.  To do this all over right.  To make different decisions, to take that different road.  But so far, it just seems like we are spinning in hopeless circles.

Today I remind myself that he is safe.  If for only one more day.

Tonight I will recall all the hurtful things I have ever said, and all the things he has said that could be classified as “warnings.”

Tomorrow I will see him one last time, before he is taken to a different hospital to hopefully get the help he needs.

For now, we will continue this one day at a time.  And not look for any ordinary days for a long time.

And everything else?  Will just have to wait.

It’s been one of those weeks.

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