Trust

I don’t trust a lot of people.  I mean, in my opinion – I trust way too many people, because I have to.  Because if I didn’t I would spent a lot more of my spare time going crazy.  And I don’t really have any spare time to go any MORE crazier with.  And so it is, I trust people.  Out of necessity.  I trust, because in order to live this life – I must trust.  And if I think too much about it, I will go even crazier.  I try not to put too much thought into it, I try not to consider the what ifs, and maybes of life – because I have been there, and go there often enough.

Josh trusts even fewer people.  His trust takes years to build.  He doesn’t trust out of necessity.  He doesn’t trust because you tell him to.  He doesn’t have that blind trust that many kids have.  He just doesn’t.  And for good reason.  Because too many people, have shattered that trust, too many times.  He doesn’t trust anyone – unless they prove to him, that they can be trusted.  Its taken us years to get to where we are, and many hard, painstakingly challenging days to reach the point where we are.  To get to the point where he trusts me.

And yet over and over I heard it.  People tell me how to raise him, what to do for him, how to deal with him.  Many well meaning people trying to take over the reigns.  “We got it now” they seem to say.  “Trust us.”  Im not sorry, but Im sorry – this is one area that I will not succumbed to trusting because of necessity.  He.  Trusts.  Me.  And I will go out of my way to protect what most are born with.  I will go out of my way to protect the trust that has taken him so long to build.  It isn’t something I take lightly, and its something I wonder how others can be so flippant with.

How then, does one crush the trust of others?  And why?

While I go out of my way to protect what is there, and has taken years to build – others trample daily without a care in the world.  Without a second thought.  With hardly any notice.

Much like the domino effect, if someone betrays the trust I have built up in them – the others go down as well.  Until I can reestablish in my mind, that people are once again worth trusting – all trust is on hold.  Which is what worries me perhaps the most, about Josh.  Sure, he trusts me.  But what about the other few he trusts?  Will there come a day when the trust he has so carefully put in them – because crushed?

While I can do everything in my power to keep him trusting me, there are others who might not have as much care.  There are others, who will betray his trust – and leave him scrambling to pick up the pieces.  Will he stop trusting me?  Will the domino effect carry on to another generation?  Will the day come when he no longer trusts me, because of someone else?

So often people take trust for granted.  Take it or leave it, they don’t hold the fact that SOMEONE trusts them, with as much weight as they should.  In a “Me, Mine, Here, Now” world, people are quick to forget that there are others in this world too.  Others who maybe have to work a bit harder at something that comes easily for them.  And in a moment of selfishness, they forget.  That their actions and words have an impact on someone else as well.

I want him to trust others, I really do.  But I want them to be mindful, and know just what it means – when he fully trusts them.  And know, that if they were to betray his trust – his entire life would be shattered.  He is not self sufficient, he doesn’t talk with words, he couldn’t find his way home – and yet.  He trusts me to get him through the day, much like blind leading the blind – he knows I will carefully navigate these treacherous waters, and he trusts me to do so.

Don’t trample what little trust he has.  Don’t shatter what he has worked so hard for.  Please don’t make us start all over again.  If someone trusts you – don’t betray them.  Realize that trusting you – might be the very thing that keeps them alive, and destroying that trust – might be the very thing that kills them.

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