They say everything happens for a reason. I choose to believe ‘they’ are right because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have anything left to hold onto. Knowing that there is nothing I can do to control certain things, knowing that despite my best efforts, and attempts – sometimes, things just happen. And they happen, for a reason. And maybe, just maybe, that reason – is unknown, and will always be unknown. Maybe the reason these things happened – is not to directly impact me, although it does. But there is a whole big world out there that I have just begun to see – maybe, somehow, these things…arent for, or because of me. Maybe – they happen because of a reason only known to someone else.
Whatever the case – there are some things that I will never understand, despite my best attempts at unearthing the answers. I don’t understand how some people can get so tangled up in themselves. I don’t understand why I don’t like mornings. I don’t understand how a certain small person can like a certain purple dinosaur. I don’t understand why some people – don’t make it past their first few birthdays. I don’t understand how, eleven years later – I am still thinking about someone, whos been gone, for so long.
On what would have been her 11th birthday, I only find myself shaking my head and smiling when I remember her. She was stubborn. So stubborn. She knew what she wanted, how she wanted it, but not how to get it. She gave new meaning to dancing in the rain, and head strong. She lived every minute, of every hour, of every day. With no regrets. No turning back. She questioned everything, but not to a fault. She genuinely wanted to know. Needed to know. In ways that I could so often relate.
Her and I? We butted heads. Big time. And while I could never satisfy her wanting to know, needing to understand, creative mind – She showed me more than I could have ever hoped to teach her. While I wished for simpler, easier, smoother days, she grabbed a hold of the bumpiness that seemed to be our life and enjoyed every minute of it, only stopping long enough to ask if she was “Big enough” yet.
When no one could give her an answer – she made one up. And it satisfied her. Nothing ever got in her way, no one ever held her back. She didn’t care who watched, who questioned, or who cared. At four and ½ she possessed and understanding of the world that I could only hope to someday, understand a fraction of. She created, built, inspired, and owned everything she touched.
And on what would have been her 11th birthday, I find myself frustrated with the lack of understanding. I find myself wishing for answers, instead of accepting things – or making it up as I go. She made the world a better place – atleast for me. And while all she wanted to ever do was “Just get bigger” she accomplished more in her four years than anyone else has in their 90+ years.
Happy Birthday Miss Molly. I have no doubt that if you were here to celebrate – you would be showing us all how its done – the right way.
– Your Uncle