He turns to see me staring, I force a smile before looking the other way. But inside, deep, deep, deep inside – my stomach turns, my heart skips a beat, and my mind wants to scream. Years ago I read something – someone wondering what it would be like if we could look into our young childrens faces, deep inside their eyes – and see their future.
Looking at him, practically grown up – it was like looking into the future. While still in the past.
These past few months, have been off and on difficult. That is to say, that they have been off and on enjoyable too. Confusing none the less.
I sometimes wonder what it would be like – to look deep into their faces, and see the future. Because sometimes, I really have to wonder.
The day, almost seven years ago is still so vivid in my mind. The chaos, the struggles, the fighting. They were all so young, yet so old – and I had no clue what I was doing. So much has changed, yet so little.
Hardly anyone knows what happened those seven years ago, its an accepted fact, what happened, happened. What is, is. Its just the way life is – The ins and outs, ups and downs, they are all part of life that seems so normal. Everyone struggles, everyone has problems, no one really knows what they are doing. Or so Im told.
Getting pushed into the deep end is no fun – but you learn to sink or swim, and eventually – you are paddling along with everyone else. Bobbing up and down beside the rest.
Its called life. I try not to complain, but sometimes, it plain sucks. And sometimes – I just want to see the future – through my own eyes, and not while looking into someone elses. Sometimes I just want to know if all this learning and paddling and bobbing along – is really worth it.
Seven years later.
I still want to know if its worth it. All the school shopping trips, school meetings, therapist, fights, and talks. Have they been worth it? Will they be worth it? Will the future ever come? Is there such thing as a future? Or will it always be known as “Tomorrow.”