When today, isnt that day

Whenever I return from a trip, I always have this period of time where I am lost.  Completely lost.  It doesn’t matter how “Normal” things are, I am lost as to where I fit in, and where I belong.  I returned this past month and literally hit the ground running.  There was no easing into things like I had planned, there was no slowly getting reacquainted with my jobs, I arrived, and my life was waiting at the gate when I got off the plane.

I made dinner that night, matched clean socks, and put a screaming kid to bed way past his bed time.  It was life as I had left it, and there was no denying that.  In a way – I was happy to have the familiarity of it all back so fast – I didn’t have to go looking, didn’t have to wonder or worry.  It was all there – just as I had left it.  Unfortunately, so were the problems I had been dealing with when I had left.

Problems don’t scatter overnight, and as much as I wished I could just…ignore the problems, and they would go away in the time I was gone, they didn’t.  They sat there waiting patiently, waiting for me to return and pick up where we left off as if we were old friends.

With school quickly coming to an end, I am faced with the problem that all parents are faced with this time of year – what do you do with the kids when school is out?  Sure, I suppose most are rolling their eyes and thinking I should have this figured out already.  After all, I do have a 14 year old in the house – certainly he could pick up the slack for a few hours while Im away.  And he can.

But.

Life has thrown me a curve ball these past few weeks, as if to say you thought you had it figured out, you thought you knew what you were doing, you were so foolish to think life was smooth going.  Things have been rough the past few weeks.  Rough in ways that I didn’t expect, and due to the fact that I am still in limbo land with coming and going, the full impact of it all I don’t think has really hit me.  Im still waiting.  But as we all know, life goes on.

I have always said that Dylan was the easy kid.  He ate (and really eats) anything.  Never complained about not taking a shower, and put himself to bed when he got tired in the early evening.  He slept all night, woke up when told, and has only missed the bus a handful of times.  He is good with Josh, has a good head on his shoulders, and is happy to spend time alone not needing a million and one friends to keep him happy.  Hes really, the dream kid, without much extra baggage.

But these past few weeks, have somewhat turned everything that was, upside down.  Almost as if the past few years of him being the easy kid have caught up, and now we are paying for everything.  All that being said, leaving the boys alone for the summer isn’t something that as of this week, is high on my hit list, and again we are back to the drawing board only this time, I am looking for someone to watch two kids who are seemingly old enough to watch themselves, which makes the situation even more complicated.  Because HOW do you go about explaining these things to people, with fewer words.  Because these situations arent things that I exactly want to announce to the world.

Such is life, I suppose.  And maybe one day I will be able to look back and laugh at myself, and the kids.  Hopefully, that day will come soon, because quite frankly, Im running out of steam.  My get up and go has got up and gone.  And dealing with one more problem, is just one more thing I have to do.  Only this time, it’s a problem that NEEDS dealt with.  I cant just up and leave and hope its still here when I get back.  I have to face it, deal with it, and hopefully not bring too many people down on my way.

One day we will get there.

One day.

Just maybe not today.

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