In my heart

Earlier this week I was looking through some pictures that a friend had sent me. Some close up shots of their daughters face. Toothy grins, bright eyes and messy hair. It wasn’t until about the third shot did I stop. And really start to wonder something. I set the pictures aside and pulled up some of my own daughter. And looked into them. I looked deep in them. I tried to find something, but got nothing.

Pulling up the photos of my friends daughter – I saw something. I saw life, and spirit and spunk. I saw that sparkle, the glow, the grin. I saw life in those photos. I saw a future, and a growing girl who had the world laid out before her….

And then there were the pictures of Emmy.

The fading snapshots that hold all of her life in them. Life. That is no longer there. Sparkle. That is gone. Spirit that doesn’t stick to the pages anymore. She isn’t “in” her pictures anymore. She just isn’t there. There is no future in her pictures. They represent a time in my life where I was the luckiest man alive. And they symbolize what I no longer have. They are no longer the future, my get up and go. They are my past. My past that I hold dear and near to my heart.

She will always be my little girl. But shes fading. Just like her photos. Her spirit and spunk and most importantly, life, is no longer there. Its gone. All that is left is an ever fading memory of who she was.

And the only place she still lives, is in my heart. Where a flash of brown hair running across the grocery store can make my heart flicker. Where a squeal and giggle can bring a smile to my face….and the photos of my friends little girl can make me happy because I know just how much they love her.

But Emmy? Shes my daughter. And always will be. If even just in my heart.


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