There are certain people in this world, that for just once, I would like to show them what something they have done – has either benefited or harmed another person. I would like to grab them and just say for once “LOOK. LOOK what YOU have done.” Sometimes its something as simple as someone not seeing the value in something they have done, not appreciating themselves enough or seeing their value. I would like to shake them and make them realize that THEY are important, and they HAVE made a difference.
But then. There are other people who I would like to grab and say “LOOK. What you have DONE.” In a not so happy sort of way. In a way that someone has been selfish and harmed another person, and they don’t think twice about it. To those people, I want them to see what harm they have done, I want them to realize that they have harmed people. Hurt people. That there are other people out there besides them…I want them to realize that they are someone, with power. And they are using it wrongly.
And today, that person is the latter.
After a particularly rough night with Josh, and a wild afternoon involving attitude that I havent seen in a long time, he lost it. And flipped out of control. Things he hasn’t done for years, just the terror in his eyes, and the way he reacted to different movement and people…something I havent thought about for a very long time, and something that left us both frustrated and tired and completely unraveled. As I held him tight, trying to help him while really not knowing…in that moment while he flipped out, screaming and lashing out against anyone and everyone…
I wanted to grab the man that did this to him. I wanted to shake him, and make him see. I wanted HIM to be experiencing this. Not me. I wanted him to see what hes done to him, how much pain and fear he has caused him. Because while I don’t know the extent of things…I do know some, and the some I do know is enough to know that I really don’t WANT to know the rest. In that moment, I got angry. Not at Josh. But at the person who caused him to go through this.
When it was all said and done we managed to get through it. There were tears, and lots of them. We both have a few new marks, and there was some blood that was shed. It was a moment I want to forget, but know it wont be forgotten soon.
I don’t want him to struggle like this, and I don’t want him to have to fight against these things. I want him to be a happy kid without any fears. But…more than that, in moments like those…I just want to shake the person who caused it all. I want to make him realize that in the moment of his stupidity…he hurt a small boy. He damaged a person. He hurt…his son.
And while I really don’t think he would care, I would like him to see, just for once, what he has done. I want him to experience these things. I want HIM to be there while he flips out of control, unable to say what is scaring him. I want HIM to see that he struggles…and that its because of HIM. I want him to realize that his actions, directly effect other people, and this person was his son.
I don’t think people realize, that often, that their actions can and do hurt other people. But they do.
And sometimes, I want to make them see this. I want to give them a taste of what they have done, because something tells me that it would do a lot of people, a lot of good. To know that they have helped people, and to know, that they have hurt people.