They dont need to know

In a room with red carpet, and a low shelf.

Far away from anyone who knows me, lost in a world of people I barely understand, and dont know their names.

In a room. Filled with more pillows than memories, I felt safe.

Safe.

To be me. And when I find me, sometimes I scare myself. I dont know who I am. I dont recognize myself. I dont know who I am sometimes, and sometimes….I get taken back. With everything in this world. I feel as lost as I am here. Yet somehow, I fit in. Lost. In a world I dont understand.

I feel safe to be me. To let my guard down and really just be. Be me. To laugh, and smile, and say no. To stay up late and forget all responsibility. And to remember.

To feel the walls around me, and realize there are no finger prints on them. Both outside, and inside. Bare walls, empty feelings. Wandering aimlessly, trying desperately, realizing. That this. Is who I am. And I am. Empty.

Just how I want to be.

I feel safe here. To be who I am, if even just for a short time, I feel safe, to be sad.

And lonely.

And scared.

And vulnerable.

But thats ok.

Because they dont know me here, and they dont need to.

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