Sometimes, I want to run. And sometimes, I do run. Except that, when I do….I realize the one thing I was trying to avoid all along. There is no outrunning this. There is no where to go. Everywhere is taken, and everywhere is the same. There is no where I could go, where I could completely leave everything behind. Because no matter how far I run, or how fast I get there – I eventually…am there too. And maybe, I am the one thing I am trying to run from. Maybe I am the one thing that everyone is trying to run from. Maybe…I am the problem.
It seems the common thread between my problems, and the problems people have with me, is me.
Am I not trying hard enough? Am I trying too hard. Have I gone too far, or not far enough. And when. When do I just sit down and acknowledge that I am never going to be able to outrun myself, or my problems. When am I going to just realize that I am the problem. And no amount of running will ever change that. It will simply just draw things out. And make other people have more problems. When will I realize that there IS no out. That there is no escape. No end. No outlet. This. Is it.
I can run as much as I want, I can fight as hard as I dare…but when its all said and done. Nothing will have changed.
Sometimes I run. And then I realize, that running? Sucks. Because it only confirms what I already knew.
There is no out.
There is no magic land, where I somehow dont exist.
I am me here, and I am me there. And there are problems here. And there are problems there.
Maybe if I just keep running…I wont give myself enough time to think about it. I wont realize my problems, because I have a plan. To just. Keep. Running. Further away. From me, my problems, and everyone else. Maybe someday I will find a place where I belong. But until then…
Just. Keep. Running.