I hope

Its been a while since I have been able to sit down (or stand up really) and think about something important. With so much going on, my mind has been running ramped with things that really? Don’t matter. Things like the dishes not getting done, bills getting paid, school homework being in on time…things that matter, but, don’t. You know? Things that need done, and yes, ARE important…but ten years from now, will be a thing of the past and most likely not remembered. I was thinking this morning (very early, I might add) about something.

What is it that I want from these kids in ten years? A long term sort of thing.

Honestly, it’s a question I have never pondered. Sure, I have thought “What are we going to do tomorrow” and “Will we make it through today” but long term? I don’t think I have been committed to long term. It sounds so…final. So done. So…finished. And I don’t know that I am ready to be THAT committed, even though really, I already am. Like it or not. Someone I was talking to the other night (in a completely off topic conversation) mentioned something about a job offer he had taken five years ago. A job offer than would require him to go to school for five years before he was able to get a pay check. He said “I figured in five years I will still be 47. I might as well be getting a better pay check.”

And while that really has nothing to do with what I was thinking about, it applied. In more than one way. These kids will still be grown up in ten years, like it or not. Committed or not. It will happen. And its something that I don’t think I have really thought about.

Oh sure, I have thought about everything else. I have thought about getting them back, and then loosing them, I have fretted over fevers and coughs, fearing the absolute worse. I have wondered if I should even say I am committed because then “What will happen” and “What if” and everything else falls into those empty gaps. And then I really start to wonder…

But. In ten years, chances are, that most likely, the kids will be grown and off onto bigger and better. And really, what is it that I hope they achieve? What is it that I hope to give them? What is it I hope they accomplish? I mean, obviously, I hope they grow up healthy and happy and able to get along in life without too much harm done. And I hope that tomorrow we can clean their room, and maybe finish off the dish pile. But in ten years? Chances are I wont even remember what I was complaining about yesterday.

My hope for them, is that they grow up to be decent adults. I hope that they grow up with respect for not only themselves, but others as well. I hope they grow up and know how to not only carry on a conversation with someone, but know how important it is to listen as well. I hope they learn that not only are they important, but others are as well. I hope they know that their life is short, yes. But so are others. I hope they learn to love themselves just enough, and love others. More than themselves. I hope they learn to stand up for themselves, but in doing so, they stand up for others as well. I hope they take the higher grounds, know when to set aside their differences, and when to stand up for what they believe is right. I hope they learn to know the difference between right and wrong, and know that life doesn’t always go how they hope.

I hope they learn that life doesn’t always rotate on their axis, and that there are other people in the world that need help. I hope they grow up, and instead of blaming their problems on their childhood, they embrace their differences, and grow because of them. I hope they learn to give to others, and not to always hold it to themselves. I hope they find love and happiness, and I hope they go on to do what they have always dreamed of.

I hope all of this for them, but really…I hope they are able to grow up. Grow up being kids, turning into adults, learning lessons when they are taught, loving each other today and not tomorrow.  And everything else?   Well…everything else can just wait. The dishes, the laundry…I hope they know that those things will always be there.  And I hope they can count on each other to be there as well.


One comment

  1. wow – you sound like a very good person who has had to deal with some terrible things – I really admire you for stepping up and being there for your sisters children and I can’t even imagine how hard it must be having your child stricken by a lifetaking illness – just reading a few of your posts have made me tearful….

    wishing you much happiness in the future and your family

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