If I didn’t have to get out of bed in the morning I wouldn’t, and that scares me – that Im only living because I have to. The pain goes away for a while and then it comes back – full forces and Im just tired. Tired of trying to deal with it. Tired of pretending its all ok. Tired of things being ok – and then not. Im tired of pushing it aside, and trying to hid it because Im just tired of dealing with it. I sometimes wish I didn’t have to get up. That I could just lay there and disappear. Im tired of pushing myself so hard just because I have to. Today? Im just tired.