If I dont know, then how do they

I am tired to trying to live up or down to be the certain kind of person that some people have decided I am. Certain people who think their way is always right, and no one else can ever have a thought that even resembles truth unless it is fully in compliance with what they think – think I am a certain way. The problem with that is, the “Way I am” changes, almost daily, in their opinion, and trying to keep up with it and keep it straight is harder than trying to keep up with the Jones’.

While there may be some truth to what they think, it isn’t always how they see it as. Life isn’t always according to their opinion, or views. Just because their opinions ring true to them – does NOT make it truth. For everyone around. Just because they see things (or people) a certain way, does not mean that’s how it is, all the time, and for them to be so stuck in this idea – is not only disgusting, but absolutely impossible to keep up with.

The time comes when for whatever the reason – I am not the way they say I am, and there is an explosion.

They have to be right, and since they are not, they feel the need to make me be the way they think I am. The person they see me as, and since I am not 100% compliant with these opinions, I am somehow, wrong. All the time.

I am simply tired.

Tired of trying to live up to their standards. Trying to live down to their opinions. Trying to be who they think I am, while trying to figure out who I really am, and be the best I really can be…

Its difficult.

And sometimes, I don’t even know who I really am. If Im not this person they think I am, and Im not who I think I am, and if who I think I am, and who they think I am, and who the person across the street thinks I am – don’t agree – then WHO am I?

I know I am guilty of it too – placing an opinion of mine on someone, and being utterly SHOCKED when they happen to be different than I assumed they were.

I don’t know why, I guess people like other people to be in neat little boxes, living up or down to their expectations, constantly making themselves feel better, and always making themselves out to be more than they really are. But if somehow, one of these people dont comply with their wishes, demands, and general outlook on life – then they are in the wrong.

I have lived the majority of my life, believing that everything I did was wrong. Wondering why I bothered, when it was all wrong anyways, and not really caring to please anyone – because it would only be wrong, to someone, anyways.

Im tired of trying to be someone else for everyone. Its impossible, because sooner or later, I will be forced to be two people at the same time – and I cant. I can barely be the one person I am.

Im sorry I cant live to their expectations. Im sorry I wont meet them. I wont be able to live up or down to the standards of who people think I am. Or am not.

I am who I am, even though at times Im not even sure who that is. But Im not, nor ever will be, the person they expect me to be. Take me for who I am, and you wont be let down. Try to make me live up or down to what or who you want me to be, and you will be greatly disappointed.

Im not sure who I am, and Im pretty sure I cant be what they want me to be. So to them I ask, please stop trying to make me be someone Im not. I cant do it anymore. Because while I don’t know who I am, I am not who you think I am, or who you think I will be.

I am me, just me.  And that’s about it.


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