Taking it for wht it is

I sometimes think I don’t take enough time to write about the good things in life. I tend to think that I will remember all those times, and they arent needed. I tell myself that I write to look back and see how far we have come, to remember, and that’s true. But sometimes looking back I only see the hard times, the sad times, the moments that keep everything down to earth, and sometimes below.

But today…

Today was what our town MIGHT consider to be the first day of Spring. Sun, with no rain – is what we would consider a spring day, maybe even an early summer. The kind of weather where even though we had ice on our windows last night, we had those windows open today.

It never stops amazing me how much weather has on an attitude, or mood.

After work I took Dylan to a soccer game – I don’t usually stick around for them, don’t stop to think that he might even want someone on the side lines for him. Its just practice. Is what I tell myself.

After the game he told me with great emphasis that “I wasn’t the only kid without someone today!” and while it struck me a little hard, I smiled with him, and told him he played a good game.

After leaving him with some friends, I took Josh out to the lake, and together we made our way around. It took longer than it should have, but he seemed to thoroughly enjoy himself. After we made our way around, we spent the next hour watching backhoes, and dump trucks drive in what seemed like circles. His smile didn’t leave the entire time, as his eyes darted back and forth between vehicles.

When I picked the kids up, and we finally made it home, Madison wanted to cook dinner, and after digging through the freezer, and spending an hour in the kitchen, I told her she better not make it a habit of hers, to cook so well, because I, for one, will end up fat.

But then I think…

We shouldn’t be having good days, shouldn’t be writing about them, feel almost guilty for having a good day, even though most days are ok…today was just good. And I feel guilty about it.

So much going on in the world around us, so many people hurting, so many friends who are suffering…and were having a good day…We enjoyed it, I hope. Looking back I can see how far we have come…really. When good days weren’t even something that I would think of having, and eventually something that was forced…and now, they are something that comes and goes with little to second thought.

But good days, that are really good…they are something that leaves me feeling guilty.

Guilty for enjoying the day, the kids, and seeing them smile….guilty for seeing them smile, when I cant see my daughter smile. Guilty for seeing life, when others don’t.

But for now…today, I will just be ok with it being what it is.

A good day.

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