I feel like taking a break.
I would take that break, except that I know from experience, you always have to come back, and sometimes the hardest part is coming back. Coming back from a break from reality, going to a place where everything can be made perfect with just some imagining, and having to come back to reality, and pick up where you left off.
Sometimes I think the kids are ok, and sometimes I think I shouldn’t be putting them through this. I know they deserve more, am I being selfish, wanting them. Needing them. I cant imagine they like the feeling of being ‘needed’ in that sense. Im sure they want to just be kids. Kids without a past, without troubles, without people who ‘need’ them. Im sure they want to just fit in, and be ok, like everyone else. Can they do that here?
People say they are lucky to have me, I say they are probably cursed to have ended up with me, who is more lucky to have them, then they are me.
I feel like seeing how much they thrive, if put in another situation, one that wont hold them back. I wonder how much they could really grow, if put in the right situation. If I step back, remove myself and instead of directing, or attempting to direct, I just wait, and watch. And see. And maybe for once, prove myself right.
It couldn’t hurt.
Couldn’t be much worse.
I wonder how long I have to second guess myself, before I realize that the second guess, is usually right.