Im counting

Somedays I just cant take anymore. I want to just say enough. I want to close my eyes and wish everything away, I want to count to ten, and magically, somehow, I want all of the worlds problems to go away. I want to stop getting older, and stop knowing more, and in turn, know even less. I want to do away with everything sometimes. The good, the bad, and especially the downright hard, and heartbreaking. I want to just fold it all up, and put it somewhere. I want to tell it to leave us all alone for a while, not just me, but everyone. Everyone who is going through a hard time.

I just want it to stop.

I want to know when enough will be enough already.

Im tired of hearing about sad, hard things. Im tired of wondering how long it will be until…

Until what? Until when?

Im tired of counting, and remembering, and knowing…

I want to live a day, that is good, without having twenty bad days following. I want something good to happen without the immediate thought of “Whats gone wrong” following it. I want to keep everyone from going through this heartache caused by death. I just want it to stop. Really.

I want to wake up and it to all have been a bad dream. For it to just disappear…

I don’t care how far Ive come, I don’t care how long its been, I don’t care where tomorrow will bring us, or what today has done for us…I DON’T care.

Im tired of wondering and worrying, and thinking and worrying all over again. Im tried of crossing my t’s a hundred and two times….JUST in case. Im tired of small silly things sending me over the edge. Im tried of watching people suffer…Im just tired of it all. I don’t see the point for any of it. What good does it do? Is the time here not short enough that we have to spend it like this?

Im tired of death. Im tired of seeing what it does to people. Im tired of watching the “Circle of life.” Im just tired of it all.

I know what it does. I know what its like. I wish I could stop it. Im really just tired of it.

I want it to stop.

I want it to be over with…

When I open my eyes.


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