Some days I want to go through the day, and be able to listen to my music – with both ear pieces and not have to stop every minute or two to deal with something. Something unrelated to what Im doing.
Some days I want to be able to have a thought, and finish that thought, within the same hour. Or two.
Some days. I just want to get through the day without having to split my time up in chunks that make no sense.
Some days I just want to be able to sit down and drink my coffee without being interrupted by something or someone over something or someone that usually results in cold coffee, or dumping it all over.
Some days I wonder and fantasize over going to sleep, and sleeping. All night through. Without being waken up by someone or something, or having thoughts of said someone or something.
Some days I wish I could have a conversation without loosing my train of thought.
But then I realize. That if I had those days, that my some days wouldn’t be the same. I wouldn’t have days like today that are hard, and frustrating and completely worthless…but I wouldn’t have the good days…and the good times…and everything else in between.
If I got my wish, and had those days like those that I think and wonder about…that if I could get through my day and a conversation without thinking the lyrics to “Your friend is a cow”. I think that if the day ever came where I would have an actual conversation with actual people, that I wouldn’t know what to do. That most likely, I would tell them to be good, and ask them how their day went and who their favorite teacher was, and then I would get hauled to the looney bin where I probably belong.
Its complicated, and confusing, and frustrating and just so…perfect at times.
Its more than I ever thought about, its more than I ever thought would be. I didn’t know that life could or would get this good again….and sometimes…If I let myself, I feel guilty. For being happy again. For smiling. For laughing, and not caring. For, dare I say, loving again.
Because sometimes…I don’t think I should be.
Because I want those days, because I get mad, and too often, I don’t find the good in things. Too often, I just see how bad things are and get feeling sorry for myself. Because sometimes I don’t WANT to see the silver lining…and yet its there.
Even when I don’t want to see it.
Some days I wish I could see that…and remember that…and just KNOW what I already know. That life is short, too short to waste trying to get what you dont have…when you already, have it.