“I miss my words”

I just got back from a ten day trip to France, and while I have plenty to say about that, Im sitting he slowly letting myself back into reality. The place I haven been successfully running  from these past few month.  We stayed with someone who spoke french, because obviously in France people speak French.  He spoke a little bit of English and said a few times that he missed his words.  He couldnt express himself as well in english as he could in french.  I could relate in some ways – “merci”- thank you in french, only worked in some many situations, and “gracious” in spanish, my contact was limited as well.

But what I could relate better to, and if I could have said it I might have tried, was that I missed my words too.

Not being able to write, was hard.

Not only not being able to write, but the access to the computers was limited, and when I did have access it was on a foreign computer, with a foreign key board, which meant everything was in a different language and scrambled up.  trying to write was difficult, because my fingers knew the path but the path wasnt right.  Things were mixed up just enough to make it difficult.  being pushed by the timer to type what I could – I will say – is a very good way to learn a foreign key board, although I dont  highly recommend it.

What I mean is that I missed my words too.

I missed being able to say what was on my mind, and unscramble my thoughts.  Missed being able to see what I was thinking, and realize that most of it was garbage and could have been done without.  I too, missed my words.

But now I sit here, slowly letting myself come back into reality, reality that I dont want to be in, and try to force away.  knowing that I will have to deal with it sooner or later, sooner rather than later, even though I dont want to.  I can only keep things, problems decisions, choices away for so long before I have to do something with them.

And as much as I would like to just say “Merci” and hope that everyone would understand…I cant.  I have to find my words, and figure things out before its too late…even though I dont want to.

I still miss my words.

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