Fear

Some short time after the first of this year, I got the notion that something…something big…was going to happen this year before it was all said and done, and while I know a lot HAS happened, a lot of big change has taken place, I havent gotten that…release, if you will, that the “Big something” has happened…and as the end of the year draws closer and closer, I find myself anticipating, and fearing…more and more.

…and fear isn’t something that I like to give into. It sounds as if Im being defeated, taken over, controlled…by something as small and worthless, as fear…

I know this must sound bizarre, scratch that, I KNOW this sounds bizarre. But the only thing that has come close to touching on this fear, this fear that the “Big change” is about to happen, is when Joshs teacher called me over to ask if it was possible that his “Aggressive” behavior was due to abuse in the house. It was like the ton of bricks that were hanging above my head, waiting to fall, fell, and now sit right above my head. In plain view. Waiting and ready .

Its just whats been on my mind lately. Nothing profound, nothing deep…nothing new.  I just hate the not knowing, the waiting, the anticipation…the fearing the worse, call me paranoid, I dont care. 

“Everyone is afraid of something. That’s how you know when you love someone; when you are afraid of loosing them”

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One comment

  1. Dave,
    I urge you to share what you can about Josh with the school. Take your attorney to help you tell his story if you have to. You fear something big happening? The school’s ignorance about Josh could end up being that big thing.

    I know it seems easier to wait to see how things work out, easier to get hurt or angry or drown your worries but Dave, not this time. Be open and forthcoming with Josh’s issues when it comes to the school administration. Make sure his diagnosis is in his school records. You may think that is labeling him and it might be but more importantly it puts you where you need to be now. Josh’s guardian. You got him because you wanted him, you wanted him to grow up safe and with a family who loves him. You are Josh’s protector, you are the only adult he has to depend on. You are the adult he loves and is learning to feel safe with. Be his advocate now.

    Take care my friend, Kathy

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