8 months later

When you were just a baby, I watched you…watched you put your complete trust in your dad, to take care of you, watched you smile and learn new things.  But I was preoccupied with other things to take much notice in who you were.

When you were real young, I watched you accept the change that your dad wasnt there anymore, and slowly watched as he was erased from your mind.  When you were still real young I watched as you had your first seizure.  I watched, and listened as they tried to explain away what was wrong, but never being able to figure it out.

I watched as you embarked into yourself, and took on your own unique personality.  I watched as you slipped away to play with your toys, yourself, and you things.  I watched as you got angry, and threw yourself around.  But I also go to watch as you smiled, and gave hugs, and shared you toys, and said kind things.  I got to watch as you grinned from ear to ear to start in your first soccer practice.  I watched as you ran like crazy, as you were chased by the ball.  I watched, and tried not to laugh…because you didnt understand that YOU were suppose to chase the ball, not the other way around.  I watched as you went in for test, numerous test.  I watched as they shook their heads, shrugged their shoulders, and moved away.  I watched as you accepted seizures as a part of your life.  I watched as you ran down the street to your friends house.  I watched as you struggled to dress your self in the mornings, I watched as you turned 3, then 4.  I watched as turned from the “Little Molly” I knew, to the big girl you were becoming.  I watched as you began to understand things, I watched as you squinted your eyes in confusion, then shot up in surprise, because you understood it!  I watched as your grew leaves, and saved bugs, I watched as you cried, and looked when you laughed.  I watched you grow….and saw you change.  I watched as one day, you fell off the chair, and got a gash in your head, while having yet, another seizure.  I watched as you bravely followed me in the hospital, and watched as you looked at the doctors with interest.  I watched as you made the connections, and held you when you realized that needle was for you.  I watched as you drifted off, and then, only then, when you were asleep, did I leave.  I watched then, when you woke up, for a few minutes, I sighed relief, thinking the worse was over, but then, watched for the next few weeks, as you made no movement, no progress, no signs.  I watched as they disconnected you, and watched as, this time, YOU sighed relief.  Because your battle here was over….and then, did I leave.  I watched a lot, but did nothing.  I still watch, looking for you, wishing that it werent true, but knowing that it is.  I still miss you, but I know that your with your dad, and its your turn, to understand, and figure out.  Its your turn to watch.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s