Should we run?

Today was another one of them days…the kind where nothing goes right, and everything goes more than wrong, and you really just want to slam the door shut on life – but you just cant seem to find the guts too.  After my ride dropped me off from work today, I eagerly jumped out and listened to them speed off.  It was raining, not anything heavy, just a slight drizzle.  I shifted the things I was carring and watched as the rain came down…My thoughts drifted….

It was a rainy day about a year ago…it had been a really tough one…Molly and I were alone at home, and things had started off wrong, I was sitting there mentaly counting down the hours till her nap time, and adding all the things I had to do up.  I was thinking of all the things I needed to do in town, but didnt want to do with her, and how much it would have been easier to just dump her and run…it had just been one of those days.  I looked over at her, her tiny face pressed up against the window pane, watching the rain dribble down.  I wondered why she acted the was she did, what I was doing to cause her such….frustration.  I watched her finger follow the rain drops, and trace tiny figures in the fog…she was four…she shouldnt be going through what she was….She turned her head, and caught my eye, I ditch her look, glancing to the other side of the room, I didnt want to start anything else.

“Uncle Dave?” Her voice cracked, she sounded so innocent, I looked her way.  Her face looked so sad, and small, her eyes held the innocence that only that of a four year old could hold, her mind unable to process why she was acting the way she was.  “Whats up kid?” She looked back out the window, her hand pressed where her face had been….”We…..can go out….out thea?” She questioned, her voice trailing off, as if she had been waiting to ask, but scared to.  I opened my mouth to tell her no, that shed get wet…that it was almost nap time that there were so many things I had to do couldnt she tell I was busy??  But I shut it….I looked past her face, and questioning eyes and out the window where the wind was howling and the skies were grey.  I sighed, and looked back at her, looking out the window.  “Com’on kiddo” I said, getting out of my chair, unsure of what I was really doing.  She looked up, her eyes full of surprise, she stared at me as if I had just said something that I didnt mean.  “Com’on…lets go…” I said again.  She didnt need any more pressure, she jumped up and stumbled down the stairs as fast as she could.

I helped her tug her boots on, and reached for her coat.  She looked at me, and I looked down at her.  The memories of the fight earlier that day with the coat arrose in my mind, and I figured they were doing the same in hers.  I tossed the coat to the side and cracked the door open, motioning her out.  The wind blew in and the rain splashed my shirt.  I began to regret starting out, and pondered breifly turning around, but seeing the delight in her eyes changed my mind quickly.  I closed the door behind me, “Now what?” I asked, raising my voice above the howling wind.  She smiled, and slipped her little hand in mine.  “Come wif me!” she said, running out into the rain, tugging me behind her.  I shuttered and shrugged my shoulders as if that was going to keep the rain off, I frowned and started up at the grey clouds and the pounding rain, I was getting wet….”Lets go ba….” I started, looking down at Molly, who was grinning from ear to ear, “DANCE!!!!!” She squeeled….she began twirling and spinning all the while holding my hand, “DANCE WIF ME!!!!” She started tugging on me….I looked towards the house…It was dry there….dry and warm and I wouldnt be getting wet…I looked down at Molly, her eyes begging for some fun.  I grabbed her other hand and began spinning with her, she squeeled and laughed.  Through the puddles we splashed, she sang and danced, and ran.  I followed after her.  She squeeled louder.  “WE PAY IN DA WAIN!!!!” She squeeled, happily.  I forced a smile.  I was STILL getting wet.  I let go of her hands and watched as she ran for a puddle, tripping just before she got to it, splashing face first into it, letting out a wail as she did.  I ran after her, and picked her up, running and bouncing her….She grinned.  “FASTOW FASTOW!!!!” she giggled.

We made our way to the end of the driveway, she was covered in mud and water, but her grin was big.  I looked towards the neighbors house, the neighbor lady stood there, agast.  I looked down, I was dripping with water….Molly was soaked, her hair plastered to her face and head, and it was raining…HARD.  I smiled, we waved, and the curtain flug shut.  I looked at Molly, she grinned and pushed her hair out of her eyes.  “Hang on kiddo” I said, tossing her on my shoulders and making a bolt for the house, she squeeled and giggled the whole way back.  We bust through the door, her sopping wet, dripping mud down onto my shirt, I caught a quick glance in the mirror as we galloped on by.  I couldnt help but think what a sight we must have been.  I appeared to be an oversized kid, with a mud ball perched on my shoudlers, dripping mud down.  I looked at the ground where we stood, a pile of muddy water began to form.  I swung Molly down.  She was shivering and shaking, but grinning from ear to ear.  “Your gonna get sick” I said, tickling her.  She squeeled and ran off to her room…I grabbed some dry clothes and changed, and went to see if she was dried off yet.   I helped her get changed and ruffled her hair with a towel, she was still shaking, but still grinning.  “Thaatttt…ttt….waaaasss…..ffffffff…..uuunnn!!!” she shivered out.  “You like that?” I asked her.  She nodded.  “We shhhuuuuuu dooooo daaa aaa ggggggaainnnn….” She said, happily.  We went back upstairs, after I sat back down, she came running over and climbed up to be held.

“Dat was weally fun” She said after a few minutes.  “Mmhmm” I muttered.   “Wemembow? When we wan?” She asked, looking up.  I didnt say anything.  “Membow?  We wan….in da wain?  Weally WEALLY FAST!!!!!” She said, tossing her hands in the air for dramatics.  “Mmhmmm” I said again.   “But membow?  I fall….I SPLASH!  And den you pit me up? Membo?”  How could I not?  I wondered.  We had JUST done it.  “Membow?  We should do it gain!!!  We should wun in da wain mow…….” She paused….sighed then continued.  “I fink we should…..wun gain…..mow times….cause dat was weally fun” She muttered to herself.  I set whatever I was working on down, and looked down….”You like to get wet…dont you?” I asked, tickling her again.  She giggled.  “YES!  But…I WEALLY yiked to wun in da wain…..wif you” She sighed again.  I squeezed her.  “What was so fun about that?” I asked, curious as to why she was saying that.  “Cause…..cause you aways busy…..you aways wok…an I nevow spen time wif jes you” She said.  I thought it over a little.  What she said was true.  Things had gotten so out of hand, something was always needing done…she didnt care though….as long as I took time to spend with her….as long as I took time to run in the rain.

I came out of thoughts just as it started to rain harder.  I will never look at a rainy day the same.  As I stood there, the rain pelting sideways, getting soaked, I could here her laugh, see her grin, and hear her saying “Take time to wun in da wain”  That old saying “Take time to smell the roses” Emmys middle name was rose, made sense a few years ago after Emmy had died.  “Take time to run in the rain” was a new one…and it made even more sense now.  As I took off running towards the house, avoiding puddles and trying to stay as dry as possible, I could hear her, I could see her, I heard her laugh, and squeel.  I heard her sing and saw her dance.

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