Being loved in a family is being recognized respected for who you are.

A question. If the three kids were your biological children, would anyone question if Josh should be a part of your family? Nope.

Madison and Dylan know that Josh has issues that take up a lot of time, can be embarassing and can throw a wrench into their lives at any moment. I suspect that they get frustrated but accept Josh as being Josh and as their brother. They love him.

My guess is they see the four of you as a family – their family. Tell that to those who doubt the love in your family.

The offender knows their past misdeeds and by you simply confirming misdeeds in a global way, lumping everything into the past, helps you be in control of your own feelings until you choose (or not) to talk about specifics. The ball is in your court. The offender knows that you are referring to the past but not a specific incident and they probably won’t risk trying to guess which one you are referring to.

The last thing you probably want is to hear excuses (that you have probably heard before) or a huge fight. Accept that she wants to see her grandkids but let her know that the four of you are making your way through life together just fine. Her goal is to make you doubt yourself – don’t let that happen. Be proud of “your
family” and say thanks but no thanks to advice you don’t need.

Remember people who care about you offer advice knowing that you can choose to accept it or not. We don’t mind being told to piss up a rope.
Hmm, do you think I am passive aggressive? Yep, but knowing that I am lets me use it – or not.

With my mom I could be pretty direct about most things. My mother in law however, is another story. She is the queen of not knowing anything but ready to correct you if she thinks you are wrong. She loves to drop hints and if we don’t happen to catch the hint, she is hurt that we didn’t know, do, or see whatever she wanted. To be honest I love the woman dearly but she has been driving me nuts for 40 years now!

How do I manage you ask. I take most answers to the extreme and sometimes to the absurd.

For instance she was doing some bashing of a fellow from church who left his wife for another guy. I told her that I thought I would prefer that my husband leave me for a guy because if he left me for a woman I would be thinking something was wrong with me. Heck, I would have no competition with a guy!

She used to allow my daughter to do things that I had specifically asked her not to do. I would remind her once what I had said and then when she did it again – I would pack up the kid and leave. If she was at my house, I would ask her if she wanted to sit in time out since that was where my daughter was headed or I would ask her to leave. Come to think about it, being direct is what I do with my mother in law too.

With your mom you might try reminding her why she never knew her kids. Then forgive her. Remind her that you are the one who has stepped into these kids lives and the court has given them to you to raise. Tell her that you have made intentional changes in your life so you can make sure these kids have a loving adult caring for them. Then forgive her.

Remind her of the good times and bad times you experienced growing up and then forgive her.

I figure that should just about do it. Oh, then buy her airplane ticket home.

Hang in there Dave!

Kathy