Lately, I have been trying to distinguish the difference between a real problem of Joshs, and the result of bad behavior that has gone on too long. Yes. Im admitting that I havent really cracked down on him, and am still having a hard time at it, but it’s a start. A lousy start, but a start none the less.
Ive tossed back and forth the idea of slapping his hand, spanking him and other such various forms of torture discipline…and couldn’t come up with any one sure way of doing it. One thing that I read earlier this week was that not all kids respond the same. This is true. Molly and Josh are the same in a lot of ways. They are (were?) both, stubborn. Amazing, I know, that Josh might have a little bit of an attitude to fight back. With Molly, time out worked wonders. Often times all she needed was a few minutes away from whatever was causing her to freak out, and she was fine until something (or someone) else got her upset. With Josh? This is not the case.
Time out is to him what is what a joke is to a jokester. Earlier this week, after telling him “No” repeatedly, I watched him approach the object in question, shake his head “No” and proceed to do what I had told him not to. When he saw me, he ran off and put himself in time out, and not ten minutes later was repeating the same thing. Ive heard this repeatedly from his teachers, who say he spends a majority of his time in “Time out” only to repeat the thing he had just done before he was put in time out. Their questioning him. Saying that perhaps I have set the bars too high, that he isn’t capable of learning. Based on the fact that he “Doesn’t remember”. Which isn’t the case. Time out. Just doesn’t work.
The other day, I was asking a friend about the same subject, and she suggested taking his bear for a few minutes, as a form of discipline.
Him and his bear are like THIS. There is no separating them. If they arent together, they are within feet of each other. Josh has known Simon back when Simon was bigger than Josh.
See?
This bear has been his life time companion, and when she mentioned taking it, I instantly thought “No”, and quickly followed it up with “This could work”
Now before I go any further, I want to clarify that there is a distinct difference in things that Josh does. His attitude. There is a difference between when he is really scared, and when he is flat out refusing to do something because he doesn’t want to. Such as what I mentioned above, about doing something I told him not to, and putting himself in time out.
Yesterday, he was outside playing. Or, rather, digging holes, driving his truck to another area, digging dirt from there, and hauling it BACK to the hole he had began with. Whatever. It works. The only problem was when I called him in. I told him he needed to come in, in about 5 minutes. And in 5 minutes, went out to bring him in. Which is when he refused to come in. He wasn’t ready. He was having fun. He didn’t see the reason WHY he needed to come in, even after I explained to him that it was time to eat, he wouldn’t come in. Which is when I put “Bear therapy” into play. I told him that if he didn’t come in, I was taking Simon, and would keep him for a few minutes. Now, he understands, because as soon as I said this, he walked the few feet to where his bear was sitting, picked him up, and continued playing.
I took his bear, and watched, in slow motion as his mouth dropped, his voice disappeared, and he threw himself on the ground, which is when his voice returned, and all hearing was lost by those surrounding him.
I explained to him, over loud wails, screams and kicking, that when he calmed down, I would give him back…picked him up stuck him in his crib and let him hash it out in there.
It took a good 20 minutes before he was calm again, and then I went in, told him why he had gotten his bear taken away, made sure he understood, and reunited him with his long lost love.
Hes listened like a champ ever since. But hasn’t left his bear anywhere near me. Taking extra precaution to make sure Simon is close(er) to him than ever before.
Earlier today, we had a similar issue, involving Josh not listening, but all I had to do this time, was mention that Simon was going to get taken away, and he was on it faster than I could say his bears name.
Sometimes, usually, most times…The best ideas are, ideas that arent my own.
{I wrote this a few days ago, but for whatever reason, never posted it}
Today, we made another (failed) attempt at the grocery store. I think that makes for…three failed attempts at the same store, in one week. Im thinking maybe we shouldnt go. Honestly, I wouldnt be surprised if we got banned from the store. Three different trips to the store, two almost completed, but failed as well. Maybe, I should get a personal shopper, any takers?
This afternoon, the kids and I were at the store (Im not so sure we ever complete a full shopping trip, just incase you wondered) when Dylan suddenly had to use the bathroom. Like REALLYBAD. Why suddenly? Im not sure, but Im not one to question these things, they are important and if they are not dealt with immediately, Id hate to think what might happen…Im pretty sure I would get banned from the store, though, so I told him to go. Run fast, and dont make a mess. Wed wait in that isle, or fairly close, and meet him. About 3 minutes later, he returned. Slightly panicked. He still, hadnt went to the bathroom. There were some people back there, who he didnt like, and wanted me to go with him. I looked at Madi, she was out of the picture, he was a boy, and she couldnt accompany him IN the mens room. I looked at Josh, and knew full well that if I left him, wed be banned from the store thanks to a epic episode because I left, then I looked back at Dylan who was hopping back and forth on his feet, and processed all this information in less than 3 seconds, and told him “Ok, lets go” and hauled ALL three kids back to the rear of the store.
I followed him in, Josh in tow and and left Madi outside, where she was happy to wait. I silently hoped that Josh wouldnt freak out once he realized we were in a bathroom, but leaving him outside with Madi was an option I wasnt willing to take. Dylan went into a stall and we hung out waiting for him to finish his business. A few people came in and out, but Dylan…was still in there. I waited until the room was mostly empty, and quietly asked if he was, you know…still in there? Nothing. I asked a little louder. Nothing. I quickly ran down the list of “Reasons to panic” and realized that there was no logical way he could be gone. 1) we had been standing RIGHT outside the stall the entire time and 2) The only entrance was right there. But somehow he had somehow disappeared. I called his name a little louder just to be sure, and there was still no response.
Josh was starting to get antsy because I was holding him, and he wanted down, but I couldnt risk “Loosing” him too. I opened the door, and called Madi in. She looked at me like I had two heads. A few seconds later, and she hurried in. She glared and hissed “What!” I explained I couldnt find Dylan, and needed her to watch Josh while I looked for him. Now, I thought the room was empty, except for “Dylan” who was apparently not there either. The bathrooms here and fairly small…there are only like four or five stalls, so it really shouldnt have been to hard to find him, but he was gone. The door to his stall that he WAS in, was locked, so I looked under, and he wasnt there. Ok. So I admit, I started to panic then, I mean…what happened? Had he literally flushed himself down? I looked at Madi for reassurance…she looked disgusted. “Try the other ones” she wasnt impressed, and Josh was starting to get really upset. The doors were locked to the rest of them, but there wasnt anyone in them. The last one I looked under I found a pair of shoes that did NOT belong to Dylan.
Standing up, I wondered what kind of stories would go around. Finally I worked up enough guts to find out what was in the last stall. I knocked. Dylan calmly replied that “Im in here”. Shocked, I forgot that we werent the only ones in there and blurted out “What are you doing in THERE?” I mean, how did he get all the way to that side of the room, without me noticing. But before he had a chance to answer, the “Feet that didnt belong to Dylan” yelled out “Hes probly using the John…mind you own business, why dont you?” I think he added a few other words too. Dylan popped out, giggling to himself. I wasnt sure wither to be mad, or relieved, so I motioned for him to wash his hands, and we waltzed out….
Dylan walked off like there was nothing unusual at all about him disappearing from one stall, and ending up at the other end, Josh fought back a melt down, and Madison terrified that her friends would see her, hid behind me until we were out far enough to where she could bolt. Just in case. We walked out the bathroom, down the isle, and out the door, it wasnt until we were 1/2 way to the car did I ask Dylan how he had pulled that off, and why. He sounded as if I should know how, and it was obvious why “I didnt like the stall I was in, so I just went under the dividers until I got to the one I wanted” as if, it was an every day occurrence. Something he has done, more than once.
It wasnt until we were driving out of the parking lot that it hit me “We forgot the groceries!”
Its amazing, how many times we go in and out of a store in a week, and never quite accomplish what it is we went in for…
Three failed attempts. I think I will let it rest, until next week. Then, maybe I will hire a personal shopper, or go shopping at 2am.
{As a side note, Im thinking to move, and no not to another house, I mean, move…as in move online. But I was hoping to get feed back, is this place, worth moving to, or should I keep working with it?}
All they know is that I told them to pack their bags, they are going to a friends house for a few days. Which, isnt exactly a lie. Its just…not what they think it is.
All I know: Nothing, except that I am either incredibly stupid, or up for an adventure of a life time.
It was a typical day, really…it was. But it was around then that an idea stopped in for a visit. The idea said something to the effect of “You know, you have tickets that need to be used by next month…what if you take the kids down to California to see that one person, you know, their friend who moved?” and, without thinking first, I jumped on “Ideas” idea, and responded by saying “Oh BOY! That sounds like fun, how about we leave the 19th (knowing full well the 19th was Joshs court date)” and that. Was that.
So. Yea.
Somewhere deep in my mind, down where the non logical thoughts stay, I thought the 19th would be the only date that would work…and so it was…the tickets were booked and things were put together, and I didnt mention it to the kids, just in case…and then I remembered. The 19th. The…19th! Thats…the day we go to court…and even though I was fully aware of this fact when I booked the tickets, it never registered with me until a few weeks ago.
Assuming things go well at court, we will make a mad dash to the airport and try to make it on time…the kids still, will have no idea…until we get off the plane and there…their friends will be waiting.
Assuming things dont go well at court…the kids wont know a difference, and instead, will just go to a friends house…
I wasnt going to say anything…I really had no logical words to string together (as you can see) but I wanted to say this. If I dont say anything Monday, or Tuesday, or anything these next two weeks…things most likely, went ok at court. However, if things dont go well at court…I will be back, going on about how things are so incredibly crazy…
I guess, what Im trying to say is no news, is good news. Atleast, for now.
Its to late to say its for her Birthday, but to early to say its for her “Four year memory” Im not sure what it is, to be honest, I couldnt even say how long Im going to keep it up…but I cant get any further with it, so Im calling it quits…Its something Ive been working on for the past few months, and something I wished could have went further than it has now…but Im out of ideas, out of motivation, and fresh out of words. It is, what it is.
Filed under: Light bulb ideas
Ahh….hello. Yes…actually…I still am around…somewhere, I just have to go..find myself real quick.
Gah.
Here I was thinking that life would settle some once I got the kids back, who the heck was I kidding? Myself, maybe….life has been one big whirl winded circle this past week. I think Ive hit every thing possible, Ive went up, sky high…Oh man, was I high. But then I also found myself winding downwards with no means to stop myself, just screaming my way down, eyes closed, waiting for that rock hard bottom…But I didnt exactly hit it…not easy, anyways, I sorta went up, then down, and so forth. Im hovering around “Normal” today. Ha. Whats normal anyways?
This past week Ive worked over time. Over time as in….to much. Over worked. Stupidly. Ive spent evenings in my lawyers office, because if I didnt say yet, we got to court the end of the month for Josh, and so every night has been spent in his office. Which is the reason Im working over time, to pay for it all. Some nights, Ive drug the kids in with me, other nights Ive left them, outside, playing. Because this week has also given us our one week of summer. We hit 70, people. 70.
Maybe someday life will calm down, maybe someday, the circles will slow down, and Ill be able to catch my breath, and realize whats been happening, and how the kids have grown up…maybe when Josh comes back. Something tells me not to count on it…but hey,…Im good at that, counting on false hope. You know?
Honestly, if I could, and had the time to, I would write more about what happened this week (like anyone cares really) But I hear one kid screaming and the other crying so I think it might be wise to head off here and check things out. One of these days Ill write ALL about it…one day Ill write about how I got them back, and one day Ill finally finish and post about the day in court. But until then….I want to enjoy it all. I want to be THERE. In the middle of the chaos, the middle of the frantic hay day mess of trying to prepare two kids to go back to school, while working over time. I want to be there, I want to be there….in the memories this time. I want to share those special moments with them before bed, even if it means giving up MY time with myself….because this is what I ve been waiting for, hoping for, missing out on for the past….who knows how long.
This time? Im going INTO it. This time, Im IN it. This time? Im experiencing it. This time? Im enjoying it.
You know, I think I might even be proud of how far Ive come. Sounds bad, I know. But its true.
Im here. Im here. Right now. Im here. I could get all bogged down about the times that I didnt spend with them, all the times I spent looking in, wishing to be there. But Im here. Im not going to loose it this time. I made it. I really made it. Finally. Were here. We made it. We really did make it.
A really good friend, who I think of every now and again, told me something once….one of the last times we talked. She said “Some people write from the heart, I write from the soul, but you, you write from the outside looking in, wishing to be there” I think I finally understand what she meant too. Because now? Im there. Im INSIDE. Im in the middle of the heat and chaos, and you know what? Its so DAMN good to be here….My only wish now would be that some of those people who helped me get here, were here now, to see that all their time wasnt wasted. Those long, one sided conversations they had. They werent for nothing, they really werent…because I made it. Im here now. Dont give up….dont stop trying….eventually…..it will come….I owe it to them…the ones who didnt give up on me…even though I know….they should have….Thanks….
….and dont worry….Ill come down sooner or later….
{Maybe its the rare sunny day, or maybe its the new ‘plan’ in effect, but for whatever reason, the kids have seized their fighting (atleast for now) and have taken to “Selling stuff” and messing around, outside}
Im not sure why, but for whatever reason today, it became crystal clear, the reason for atleast some of the problems around here. Instead of adjusting the way I would have hoped, the kids have become antsy and unrelaxed. Its like they are waiting to be shuffled off to another home, like they arent sure they are really going to stay here. Bad, irresponsible planning on my part has resulted in stress and insecureness for them, and for whatever reason it became obvious what was going on, today. Getting up at 5am to be shuffled off to some unsuspecting neighbor, isnt the way for kids their age should have to live. They shouldnt have to suffer because of my half baked ideas that I “THINK” will work.
So this afternoon, after work, I loaded them up in the truck, tossed them a piece of paper and pen and told them to jot down what they hoped to accomplish before summer was over and school started. They laughed, and talked, and joked back and forth, as I silently wondered if they were giving any thought to the task I had given them. I pulled into the store parking lot, tossed them a 5 dollar bill and told them to get something to drink. They bounced off laughing like two long lost pals all set to get some sugar loaded drink while I sat reading the list they had come up with. Two pages, there were. Two pages of ideas, and dreams they hoped would come true in the few short months that were to come. “Catch bugs, build a fort, win a soccer game, tease the dog” was on one list, while the other read “Make new friends, sleep outside, go to the beach, go swimming”. Ok, so not quite the answers I was looking for, but hey, it was something.
They came bumbling back, laughing at some inside joke, as I sped off in hopes to find an answer to the new found problem. We hit up the library, REC center and swimming pools. We stopped off at a few day care centers and pulled a few numbers of bb sitters looking for jobs. We wound up with more pamphlets than I know what to do with, but the hope was there that somewhere in there, was an answer. Sure, we wound up with “Quilting class” and “Knitting 101″ but we also go a few hits on swimming, and soccer games. We found out where and when certain activities are being held, and jotted down the numbers, dates and times. We went home with more information than processable, but still…the hope was there.
It was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. Not only did it put a (temporary?) end to the fighting, and arguing, it gave us a chance to spend time together while finding something productive to do. A list of numbers, and things to check out was made, and the excitement they showed simply THINKING about this new plan was enough to show me that we were heading in atleast the general direction of the right way. We got a plan made for tomorrow, and are eager to see how it will turn out.
Instead of waking up at 5 am with me, they will instead, get up at 7. Instead of being shuffled to some neighbors house, having no idea who or where they were going to be spending the day, or what to expect, they will walk the 10 minutes it takes to get to a friend of mine, who happens to live down the street (and yes, she agreed to watch them). When I get off work, we will hit up the library where they can check out books while I check into some options or, leads, on our list to see if I can piece together a plan for the following day.
If nothing else, Ive learned a few things from these past few days. Mainly that of, if Im not confident with something I say, or tell them to do? How can I expect them to give me back anything more than that? They feed off of what I give them. If Im not confident when I tell them to do something, how can I not expect them to argue and fight, and question things. If nothing else, I need to appear somewhat confident with my decisions even if im not, because even if they dont work out the way I would have hoped, they turn out none the less, because they greeted it with confidence.
No, its far from over. Less than five minutes ago they were having an argument over who should wake up first, and then, who should decide what to eat. The kinks arent all worked out, and the plan isnt complete. But its a start. Its something they can plan on, atleast the day before, and hopefully it will release some of the stress and up tightness they have. Hopefully it will work out the way Im hoping, and HOPEFULLY things start to smooth out some. I still have a lot to think over, and answers to come up with. I still have tons of questions, and no answers…but the sun is shinning, the kids are outside playing…and Ive got an idea Im HOPING will work…if not, were once again, back to square one.
If you will excuse me now, I must break up a fight…something along the lines of “Who made more money, and who did more work”
Will it ever end?
Filed under: Light bulb ideas
Ive done a few rounds of kid watching, I guess you would call it. My longest round lasted a little over two years, and that was with Emmy. For the most part, she was (as far as Ive been told) a fairly easy child. While she slept a majority of her baby days away, and she rarely cried…and you wouldnt really know she actually did much more than that unless you spent time with her, she also had a few streaks in her, which I chocked up to “Keeping ME in check” Because there were days when I sat at home, watching her roll around on her blanket, and Id be thinking “Oh yea, I got this whole kid raising thing kicked in tha’ but…whats so hard ’bout it?” You see where Im heading? Good. Cause I didnt.
There were also, other times with her, like…oh…maybe the stage where she refused sleep? Ever known a kid who would actually fight, to not sleep. Not fight me, or anyone else, shed fight with herself to stay awake. Or there was the time when the first trait of hers that resembled me, showed through. Oh happy day. My baby girl was stubborn. I was a proud father, she took after me. Not. It was not only frustrating to try and understand why an almost 2-yr old would refuse help to get dressed, but time consuming as well. It would take over 15 minutes sometimes just to get her dressed, but to each her own.
Its been a long while since Ive thought of Emmy, all of her, the good the bad and the ugly, because for the past three years that shes been gone, in my mind she was on that golden platform that never did wrong. I wasnt fooling anyone, however, no 2-yr old is a saint.
When I had custody of the kids the first time, there were, as there were with Emmy, days that I thought. “Oh yea, I got this whole kid raising thing kicked in tha’ but…whats so hard ’bout it?” and my foolish mind wouldnt go any further than that, because at that moment, they were all abiding peacefully side by side. They were all dressed, all living, all…most likely sleeping. Because who am I kidding? Four kids? Peace? If theres one word it wasnt, it would have to be that, but at the time, my mind would foolishly fall to the wind and think “I can do this”
But then reality would show up for a brief moment slide in beside me and whisper oh so slyly. “Im not DONE yet!” And theyd be at it again. The rounds or the choir would start up again, and my peaceful moment would be over. Id once again be a slave to the four helpless children that somehow had landed in my care. No, a 12 course meal would not do for this one. She wanted pb & j, but when the heavens would depart and a golden platter appear with nothing less than a pb & j sandwich. That simply, would not work, and the fits of rage would appear, because someone help us, this is NOT what this child wanted. At the same time, as to not be out done by the older child, the younger one has to decide that, nope, eating is not on my mind tonight, I think I might just fly. And up the bookcase he would go, tossing any book in his way to the floor, shredding the to bits in record time. Being upset by the lack of attention an older one would decide that begging for another glass of drink, and not being responded to, would not do anymore, and said child would help himself to the drink in the fridge, only to pour the stickiness all over the fridge, the floor, and himself. While at the same time, all over his sisters homework papers, which in turn would get her upset, and she would have to give her 2 cents worth, and about that time, the door bell would ring, and in would walk {Fill in the blank with who ever you dont want to see at that particular moment} and there, standing in the midst of the chaos, I would think….”What was I THINKING, or rather, what was I not!”
Well…tonight, I had another one of those moments. The room is painted. The bed put together, and only after my mom applied freshly washed sheets and blankets, and the whole 9 yards, did I stand back and think “Oh yea, I got this whole kid raising thing kicked in tha’ but…whats so hard ’bout it?” But then…I had to remind myself, ever so gently, that there was one small part still missing…no not the sticky finger prints, and piles of toys. Not the ripped pictures, and piles of dirty clothes…no…I thought a few minutes, what was missing? Then…it dawned on me. Right. The kids, and just like that my light bulb idea of “Oh yea….” went off. I smiled, shut the door, and will be glad when I can once again say….”Oh yea…..”
Filed under: Light bulb ideas
Facing this year alone
Its been three years, yet I still cant wrap my mind around it.
What this year has to offer, I dont want to know. I know what
it holds, and it doesnt hold you. I dont want to face this year alone.
Forever always and a day, is a long time, but its not enough.
Anytime without you is to long. The year seems dark and empty.
I dont want to see what it holds, because I know what it doesnt.
It doesnt hold you, and thats enough to know, I dont want to face
this year alone.
At times the days become hard, and the nights harder. But its
been three years its been long enough. I should know, and I do.
I know enough to know that I dont want to face this year alone.
Alone is without you, alone isnt with you, alone doesnt mean with you,
it doesnt mean holding you, its doesnt mean loving you. Alone means
alone, and alone means without you, thats enough to tell me that I dont
want to. I dont want to face this year alone.
Three years is long enough, long enough to miss you, long enough to be
without you, long enough to feel what its like to be alone. Three years is
enough to understand, and I do, I do understand. I understand completely,
and I dont want to face this year alone.
Not again, not alone. Not without you. If I was given the chance, to do it
all over, Id change it….Id change it all…Id do more, Id loose less, and Id
hold you tight. I promise. I wouldnt let you go. I wouldnt have to face
this year alone.Id hold you tight, and not let go, I wouldnt face this year
alone.
Ten little toes, ten tiny fingers. Thats what they say. Thats when it
happens.Thats where it starts. “your better off” is where it ends. But I
know enough now to know that “ten little toes” means nothing. Not when
the year begins, and your not there. I know enough to know that I dont
want to face this year alone.
Yet somehow it starts, and it goes, and it ends, and Im still here. – And your not.
And somehow, the world continues, and the days turn to night, and the nights to
day, and the sun shines, and the rain falls, and the wind blows, and flowers bloom,
and the trees bud, and the leaves fall, and the snow blows, and the year ends….
and somehow….Im still here. Somehow, a new year has begun, and somehow….
Im here, and your not.
And somehow……
Im here to face this year…
As I look out the window, and see the stars, I see your face, smiling, I hear
you laughing, and somehow, I know…that Im not facing this year alone…
Filed under: Light bulb ideas
Another year has come and gone, Im here to great the morning Dawn.
The wind blows, the sea rolls…Im here to watch as the
The trees bow, and the leaves fall….
The ran falls, the skies are grey, the thunder crashes as the lightening bolts.
Night comes, and the skys part, the stars twinkle out so bright.
Im here to see as they emerge, one by one. Bashful and bright, ever so light
before the clouds come and the moon hides. The lightning bolts, and the trees crash.
Im here to watch now, as the waves crash, and beat the ground.
The angry wind whips across the sea, the powerful waves are at the mercy of the wind.
The spray splashes, and the wind howls. Is it playing? Is it laughing? Is it having fun?
Lightning bolts and thunder rolls.
All is calm. The sea, once wild and angry with wicked waves, now is a calm glassy sheet.
The waves are slight ripples, the clouds break. The stars return and the moon shines.
The wind blows, soft and the trees whistle in the breeze.
The stars return, and the moon shines bright.
Color splashes across the sky, pinks and greens dance and form bright blues.
Whites and reds fill the empty spaces, as the wind blows, the colors dance…
They have there own rhythm, they dance to there own beat, they spin and twirl…
Im here to watch now, as the storm comes to an end, and the day begins to break.
Im here to watch now.
Another day has come and gone. Im here to watch the morning Dawn.
The stars twinkle good bye, and the moon winks good night.
The clouds break, and color splashes across the sky….it stretches across the sky.
Sun shines through the hole in the sky….the color dances once more before disappearing into the night sky.
The clouds wash across the sky, the sun rises….the birds awake…
The fish jump, and the laughter fills the air. The birds caw in delight.
The waves ripple. The trees sway. The flowers pop. The sky stretches out….
The grey fills the sky…the rain dribbles slighty…..
Im here to watch now, another day begin.
Im here to watch as the sun streaks out across and the rain drowns it out.
Another day has begun….another night has went to bed…another dream has ended….
- thats a parallel to living with Emmy….every night was a dream come true for her, as she danced off to dream land, I watched her, at times, the smiles peeking out from the corner of her mouth, as she drifted off to dream land….but every day was so much brighter……
The lightning crashes, the thunder bolts. The animals scurry….the wind wips angrily.
The waves crash, and the seas beat on the beach.
The trees crash and the branches fall…
The sky is dark….the air is cold…..the rain is pelting sideways…..
Theres no end in sight……The night isnt so bright….
There is no stars, there is no moon, there is no light….theres no end in sight.
The morning sky breaks, the sun doesnt rise, the grey clouds take its place.
The wind howls, and the trees wave. The sea throws itself on the rocks
Another day has begun, its the same as the last….theres no end in sight…theres not morning bright.
Skys are dark, and clouds gloomy, looking for light, when theres none sight….
Looking for something, that doesnt exist….the days turn to night and the nights to day….
All the same, all without change…..all wishing for something new….for a break in this gloom.
It never will be the same….it never will change….theres no light in near sight….
- Its life without Emmy….its how every new years starts, and every one ends. No end in sight….is it really worth this fight?
