Filed under: Cancer
Originally posted August 22, 2008.
Its something that strikes a nerve every time I hear, or read the word. No, I havent had cancer, myself. But…it was an active part of my life a few years ago.
Emmy
My sister, the mom to the two kids I currently have custody of now, lost her battle with cancer at 28, July 7, 2005
But how it really effected my life, was when it took my daughter from me.
I dont think there are any other words that have sent chills up and down my spine than when I was in that small doctors office, being told that my little angel had that evil disease. That she had aggressive, brain tumors. I dont think there are any words that doesnt shake a parent in ways unthinkable, than to be told that your child has cancer.
November 2004.
It was not quite a month after her second birthday, when I took her in due to ear piercing screams from her, while she held her head. It wasnt what I had hoped for, approaching the holiday seasons, changing into a toddler, there wasnt time for a delay. There wasnt time for illness, there wasnt room for this in her life. They ran some test, took some blood, and sent us packing, they were busy with people who were in a car accident, they didnt have time to deal with my daughter who was just going through the “Terrible twos”. “Shes just itching for more attention, spend more time with her, make her stay in her bed” the “Ideas” were limitless.
A few weeks after her first appointment, I received the phone call, saying the doctor wanted to talk with us. I needed to come in, as soon as possible. He showed me X rays of her head, I had no idea what was coming. I was paranoid of the tiny room, and I had things to do, places to go, things that HAD to be done that day, I didnt have time to waste with him, as he showed me that she was alright. He sat down at his desk, took his glasses off, and stared my straight in the eyes, I purposely avoided his look, watching Emmy as she played with the germ infested toys that she had drug in with her. “Your daughter has brain tumor” I froze. What else could I do? What could I say? My mind froze. My body froze. He must have had the wrong files. It wasnt possible. I looked at him for answers, I searched his face for any signs of a cruel joke. But he was serious. It was the beginning of the end.
December 2004
A month later we boarded a plane, and headed for Seattle where she was to under go brain surgery. By that point, every possibility had been thought of, and the best option seemed to be to have her under go surgery. “Its a 50/50 shot” I could still hear his words ringing in my ears. “But if we dont do something now….” An aggressive, malignant tumor, growing, inside of her brain. Taking over her life. How could such an evil, dirty disease such as cancer be in her body? It didnt seem possible still. December 11th, she under went surgery.
While she was in surgery, I spent the 8 hours it took pacing the halls fearing the worse, wondering if I had made the right decision. “Its a 50/50 shot” kept ringing in my ears. But what if the odds were against her. Aside from being told not to consider the “What ifs” about it, I couldnt help myself.
Emmy was my everything. Not only was she my daughter, my angel, and my princess, she was my reason, my life, my morning and evening. After loosing my wife two years prior, Emmy took the top notch of being #1. Her heart exploded with love, and she loved everyone as much as a two year old could. She had no fear, but rather, boldly walked into the hospitals, proclaiming loudly, “HI, I ME!” Her way of introducing herself. She could win her way into anyones heart, any day. Her big hugs, wet whispers and slobbery kisses were to die for. She could love and laugh like nobodies business. Even at a young age, her personality shone through, and it was quite clear that she had her own style about her.
She won over every nurse and doctor there was in Seattle, and made great progress in the way of recovery. “She might have some brain damage, or memory loss, we wont know for sure how extensive things will be until she recovers completely” But when she came to after being in surgery, and the smile slowly peeled across her face, it was clear “Emmy” was still there. But it was far from over. The doctor wasnt happy with the surgery, saying that while it went well, she would still need to under go chemo in the near future. He wanted her to recover completely, however, before putting her through any more.
January 2005
January 1st 2005 – Its my birthday, and I really dont care, the only thing I wish for is that she will come through. I only want her to be ok, and for her to live a normal life. I wish I could trade her places, its so hard to watch her go through this. Her screams cut right to my center, and her eyes read with the pain she is in. I dont care what happens, as long as she comes out ok.
They sent her back to our local hospital the 8th of January. Two days later, the doctors told me not to expect her to make it through the night. There was nothing more they could do for her, and it was clear that she was going down hill….at a rapid speed. As night neared, the doctors continued to tell me to expect the worse, and all together, gave up on any hope of her recovery.
Emmy passed away January 11th, 8:45 pm.
She was 2 years 3 months and 11 days.
The night she joined her mom, I watched the night sky light up with the rarely seen Northern lights. They are common for further north, but a rare sight here. If they do happen along, its usually just a green light in the distance. January 11th, was an acception, as the whole sky light up with pinks, whites and greens that danced across the sky. Emmy was a very loving little girl, with a heart bigger than life. She loved everyone, and perhaps taught me one of lifes greatest lessons….
“Life is to short, to not smile” Because as she saw it, there was always something to smile about….she left a deep impression on my heart, as any child would to a parent, to say I taught her something wouldnt be true. To say she taught me something, would be more accurate.
Its been three years since shes been gone, and not a day goes by that I dont think about her, and her big heart. I wonder sometimes, if there was something I could have done to prevent her tumors, if maybe, as people often told me, “I caused her to much stress, or messed up her diet” I do know that cancer is an evil, dreadful disease, and it effect not only my daughters life, but mine as well.
Forever and always, my angel you will be
*****
Time changes things, yes. But if I could change time, I would change a few things myself.
I know Ive written, numerous times, maybe too much, about cancer, and how its effected my life. Ive written up and down, the ways its effected me, and how it took Emmy, and well…all of that. I know Ive mentioned it, but not sure if Ive elaborated on it too much.
My older sister, passed away, July 7, 2005. She wasn’t JUST my sister, my older sister, the one person who had been there every day of my life, she was the mom to Madison and Dylan. It was seven months after Emmy had passed, that she joined her. After however, she buried not only my daughter, but our brother, and sister as well.
This Saturday, there is a walk. Ironic timing, really. A “Cure for lung cancer” walk. The same type of cancer my sister, Madison and Dylans mom, had.
Whats ironic about it, is that just last week, Dylan was asking…he was questioning, wondering, and generally pondering over the facts, and events leading to his moms death. He was just 6 ½ when she died, and a short while later, he found his dad – dead – in his bedroom. Obviously, the events of his dads death, were more dramatic on him, and the events leading up to and around his moms, have sort of, more or less, become splotchy memories. Something he doesn’t really remember, and something he hasn’t really ever wanted to talk about. When it first happened, people told me over and over and over that I needed to get HIM to talk, that I needed to MAKE him talk, but at the time, it was too much. Too much for me, but more importantly too much for Dylan. There was too much for his young mind to grasp, and he didn’t want to talk about it. He was sensitive about the subject, and would usually walk away.
Almost four years later, hes finally showing interest in things. Hes been slowly trying to piece back together a memory of his mom – something that Madison is more than willing to help him with…sometimes, shes a little to eager, and he walks off, leaving her wondering what she did wrong. But that’s how he is, how he has always been. I knew way back when, that he didn’t want to talk about it, and that he would…when he wanted to, when he was ready.
A lot has happened in the past four years…hes been seen by many different therapist, who have all said hes perfectly normal, and that he will deal with things in his own way – nothing to worry about…and he has. Hes changed so much. Hes went from being a very insecure, sensitive, lost 6 year old to a hyper, bold, loud, adventurous, and fierce, 10 year old. Hes changed…and now, he wants to know. He wants to know how “Mom died” he wants to know where he was when she died, why he wasn’t there, and why she died. He wants to know what caused her cancer, why lung cancer, and why the doctors couldn’t save her. Hes asked questions randomly, at odd times when there isn’t a lot of time to answer them, because that’s how he is. He wants the answer, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. He wants to process it, and deal with it himself – which is just fine. Its how he works. Its how he deals.
Tomorrow, there is a walk for lung cancer. Madison was the first one to point it out, a few months ago, when she was online doing one of her “Cancer researches” I didn’t think it would actually come to town, seeing that a lot of things gather in bigger cities. I told her we would see what June brought, because to be honest, I wasn’t thinking June in April. Or was it May? But last week when posters, and flyers started popping up, and a banner arrived downtown, and a website was even devoted to it, I told her we would think about it.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to encourage her to go at something she felt was important, it was that I didn’t know how Dylan would take to it. I didn’t know what was going on that weekend, or if it was even something we could swing….but being Madison, my lack of enthusiasm didn’t stop her…she set up shop, something she did last year, and started selling things. This year? Her point of interest is for this lung cancer cure walk. Last night she was proud to announce that she had sold enough items, and had $67 to donate on Saturday. As if that settled everything. We were going. Sort of thing. After all, how could I say no to THAT?
I let her break it to Dylan, who shrugged his shoulders, and was all game when he found out that it was going to be on a trail that he has been bugging me to take him on. I don’t know if he realizes what its for, or if its his way of processing it. I know Josh wont have a clue, other than hes going to be surrounded by people he doesn’t know, and we can only hope he does his best to stay calm. Madison – I know will go all out – like she always does…and I will go with them, because they obviously cant go alone. I will go, for my sister, for their mom, and for them…
…and something tells me, that if she knew what her kids were up to, shed be pretty proud of them, not that she wouldn’t be ordinarily…
Its hard to look at Madison and not think of her…its hard to watch the motivation, inspiration and out-going personality shes got, and not see her mom in her…Not that Dylan doesn’t resemble her, but I don’t remember seeing her ride her bike handless down the street. Don’t think I can recall too many times that she stood in the rain, hammering nails.
We will go out tomorrow, hope for good weather, and make the best of whatever situations come our way…
This *one* is for her.
Strikes again.
Every so often, I have to wonder why things cant just…slow down, or go smooth. Why there always has to be an extreme, one way or the other. Why cant things just…go normally for once. Why does it seem like things are always taken to the extreme here?
Earlier this week, my mom emailed me, which is rare for her. Telling me to call her. I found it odd that she would email, and to tell me to call her…but I did, as soon as I could.
I havent kept in contact with a lot of my extended family. When I left “Home” I said good bye to any family I knew, figuring it was better that way. One person I managed to keep in contact with was a cousin, who, although years older, always sent encouraging thoughts to us during the years. These past few years, I havent done as good of job as I could have, keeping in contact with her. I did know certain things about her, just because of my mom, who is the family grape vine…I knew she was married, had a son, and another on the way.
But this past week…things changed. The way things do. Change so fast.
Monday, I called her up to see if there was anything I could do, knowing full well there wasn’t. A place I hate to be – the place where there is absolutely NOTHING I can do. Sunday (A week ago) she went to the ER with pains in her side…and was told she had cancer. 17 years ago, she had a bout of cancer, and successfully beat it. This time, she was told she had secondary liver cancer, it still isn’t confirmed what the primary cancer is…but the news isn’t good. Monday – she will be forced to terminate her pregnancy and start treatments.
Last night, I called and asked her how things were going, and during the 20 minutes or so I talked with her, she went through the appropriate emotions: anger, sadness, confusion and all the rest. Of course, during the course of the conversation the inevitable question came up: WHY?
Why cancer, why now? Why couldn’t it have waited, not that there is a “Good time” to get cancer, but why now? Right now. Why?
The word cancer sends chills up my spine every time I hear it, and this time its no different.
They arent sure what the out come will be, they don’t know what will happen, or where things will go from here, and I cant help but put myself in the shoes of her immediate family. Knowing that the waiting, the not knowing, AND the knowing…is all so hard. Just hearing the words “You have cancer” just hearing the word…is enough to make anyone, anyone, sick with worry.
…for me? Its just another reminder. Another harsh realization that cancer still is out there, not that I ever doubted it. Its another reminder that it can effect anyone, anywhere, anytime. It has no mercy, it has no dignity, it has no rhyme or reason. During the years that Emmy has been gone, I have met more people than I care to admit, that in one way or another, have been effected by it. Maybe its just because my ears have been programmed for it. All I know is cancer? Sucks.
While I know there is a good chance she will over come this (shes done it before – she can do it again, right??) I know there is a chance….she wont. I know there are people out there, who I have become friends with – who simply wait to hear that their cancer has returned. I know that there are people out there – who are still fighting, and I know there are people out there who have lost family members…
There arent really words that could describe my intense hatred to the six letter word…C-A-N-C-E-R. Doesn’t even deserve to have a post devoted to it.
Filed under: Cancer
I just got through posting a little ditty about Josh and the issues with him and custody battles, hit post, checked the clock, and realized something.
Today is the 5th.
Today is the day…and Im standing. Not only for my daughter, and sister, but for all the other people out there who have lost to cancer. Im standing for those who have cancer, and for those who have beat cancer…
But really? What is there to say about today?
Ive already mentioned how its changed my life, and other people who are in my life. I think Ive said it before and Ill say it again if I have to, but to risk sounding like a cliché, I just wont.
The truth is, there is so much to say, that I dont think I can even do it any justice.
Today isnt going to change anything…that is, if you just think of today as another day. But the truth is, while important people in my family have passed on from cancer, leaving me and others behind to pick up the pieces, Im not the only one out there. Im not the only one who has lost to cancer, and Im certainly not the only one whos life has been touched, and changed by cancer.
There are people, real people, out there, who, have not only had family members with cancer, but have had or have, cancer themselves. Cancer that not only has effect their lives, but cancer that has lived IN their lives. Think about that for a minute.
While its tragic to have lost a child to cancer, its even more tragic to see the children (and adults) who have cancer, and are fighting cancer.
Its not saying much, its not even doing much…but its something…and it matters….
I lost Emmy and my sister to cancer, yes. But I have a cousin who successfully beat cancer, and I have another cousin who daughter is in the process of fighting cancer. Ive lost numerous friends from cancer, and I know many people who have (or had) cancer, both online, nad “real life”. Its not pretty. Its not fun. Its life changing, life shattering, and heartbreaking.
Do it. Do it for those who have lost their battles and can no longer fight. Do it for those who have cancer, and are still fighting. Do it for those who are now cancer free. Stand up with them, even if its never touched your life, its touched other people…and it is a real thing, that happens….to real, everyday, normal people. Dont say “It will never happen to me, it could never happen to me” Because it can….and it has happened to other people who have said the same, exact thing. It can touch you, your family, your friends, your aunts, and uncles, your kids….it can even touch you.
Today is September 5th.
Go ahead….Stand up. You dont even have to leave your chair.
A few days after I got the kids back, Madison started asking all sorts of questions related to and about death, and how her parents died, she was all around interested in what cause her moms cancer, and why some people die from it, and why other people dont. She wanted to know how it was caused, why she didnt get it, and where it came from, what started it, and how to stop it. Questions, that really, I had no solid answers to, I told her what I knew, but also told her that there were some questions I didnt have answers to, I told her we could look for answers, and try to find some, but that not everything has an answer…sometimes, its hard to accept that, I know all to well about that. I wanted to keep the lines of communication open with her, and figured that if she was talking to me about these things, that most likely she felt pretty comfortable around me.
She didnt let up, it sent her to google “Causes of cancer” Im not sure if she got her answers, but she spent some good time looking into things. She wanted to read books on it, and even ventured into the adult section of the library to check out books, she was really interested in this, and I figured that if she did the research on her own, that maybe she would find the answer that she, herself, was looking for. When I found out about SU2C, I knew she would be more than interested, and she was. She spend hours trying to load certain pages, and finally gave up, and tried a different page. She seemed very interested in it, and added it to her collection of links and other items that hide out in my computer. The very first night she got off, she begged me to make a donation. She wanted to donate something, anything, she wanted to get involved. She was clearly, very into this. She wanted to know if I would take her down and apply for a job for her. I laughed, but sobered up, realizing this was serious stuff she was talking about….no, she wasnt getting a job, after all, shes 11, but there are things she can do as well.
The sunny days here, her and her brother spent outside selling stuff to the tourist, and collecting big bucks for a rock, when in all honesty, the tourist could have just bent over and picked up the same rock, for free. But…to each his own. It worked.
The road we live on is a dirt road, but that doesnt stop the tour buss’ from coming down it. They drive down it because at the end there is one of the salmon spots, and bears like to hang out there, as well as eagles…so…they load tourist up and haul them out here to see such things. It works for the kids, because many of the tourist are board after 5 minutes, and wander around, happening upon their little table, and buy a rock, or drawing, or whatever it is being sold that day. Her and Dylan collected around 30 one day, and they each got 15. Dylan promptly spent him, but Madi hid hers in areas unknown.
The other night she told me that she was going to use all of her money and make more money and make the “Biggest donation EVER” I nodded in agreement, and she went off to bed happy. A few days later, we left on our trip. But now that were back, and the kids start school tomorrow….that leaves one day (aside from weekends) for her to collect, the amount of money she wants. This doesnt stop her, it doesnt even seem to faze her, she was off to bed at 11 last night (which, is late, but we got in late so blah blah blah) and was up at the crack of dawn, drawing and writing. I wondered if 5am was to early to have her up…doing such things, but I didnt want to discourage her…She was out “In business” by the time I left for work, and was still out there when I got back…
“UNCLE DD!!!!!!!!!!! GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!” I pulled in the driveway and before I had stopped, she was running towards me, abandoning all tourist, sales and what-nots at her stand. She pulled my door open and started yelling “I GOT A WHOLE $32 today!!!!!” she was jumping up and down and spinning in circles. “Thats a whole lot of money, and now I can make a biggest donation, can you help me huh? huh? huh? Can we do it now? Can we? Can we? Can we do it now?” It took me a few seconds to register what she was saying, and realized what she was talking about. I calmed her down, informed her that soon we would, but she needed to get back to her “Business” she gasped, and ran back….I watched her a few moments, wondering what had happened to time, and how she had changed so much, wondering where her future was taking her, and what was going to come of her life. I dont worry about it, shes ambitions, and strong headed. Shes still young, but every day I see more and more of her mom in her, and while it should worry me I suppose, it doesnt.
It amazes me. This kid, and her motivation. Her ambitions and goals. I dont know where she gets it at, or how she comes up with it, but it amazes me. People say, that kids cant do anything. That kids dont “Care” or really, even have “Feelings” and on the flip side people say that kids cant really even begin to know what its like to loose someone, they are simply, to young. A few years ago, I might have fallen into a belief of this, but being around these kids, knowing what they’ve gone through, and seeing what they are doing, tells me different. Shes 11. Shes lost both parents, and has had her life uprooted numerous times. Shes been tossed around foster care, and hasnt seen her brother for over a year. Shes been through more than the average Joe, and here she is….loving the world, and the people in it.
Every morning when I see them I think to myself that really, I havent been through 1/2 of what they have, and if they can wake up and go strong? Then so can I. They give me motivation, when Im suppose to be giving them it. They give me reason, when Im suppose to be giving it to them. They help me and teach me, when Its suppose to be the other way around…and if they can do it? So can I, and so can you.
All bad spelling aside (I wonder who she gets that from??) I think it sums things up as well as it can be, or atleast, better than I could have.
Ive got my mind chocked full of useless information right now, infact, if you were to ask me of a detailed list of “Whats in your mind” (not that you would, just assuming) the list would probably end up something like:
Food
Coffee
Laundry
Bags
Books, Pencil, Paper
Cat food
Reports
Finish
Meeting
Something to the effect of an outdated grocery list. Thats only because Ive got so much going on right now, its hard to get on topic pinned down long enough to actually write about it. With school starting soon, and a court date coming up fast, a plane to catch on Tuesday, meetings to attend, groceries to get, laundry to do, work to finish, and a visit with Josh, still fresh on my mind, as well as his birthday coming up Thursday…its really difficult to figure out which one of these things I should write about…after all, why should I write about the laundry pile, or the cat food that I need to get, who really cares if the house is a mess, or if there is spilled coffee on the counter….but if I tried to say anything write now, it would just be a jumble of words, that apply to different subjects.
I guess its a good thing, that we are leaving town for a while…I mean, after all, what better time TO leave, the busiest part of the year! I guess in a way, its good, because I need to really clear my mind, in order to be able to think straight again (yea right). Its also a great excuse to avoid certain deadlines that Ive been dancing around for a while now. Its also going to be nice to get out of this rain, (seriously, weve had a WET summer, to say the least) and maybe say hello to the yellow light in the sky…we will see…Most likely, its just going to be another thing I can complain about….
The only downside is that we are flying…and for the unsuspecting by-standards who also happen to be flying that day, I pity already. Me + flying = nothing good. Im already dreading it…Ive been loaded up with “Horror stories about flying”, because when people discover you are terrified of flying, they tend to fill you in on the story about the plane they were flying in that got hit by lightening…
I dont expect to have time to come up with anything decent before we fly out early Tuesday morning, because the last time I checked? Tomorrow is Monday. Weve yet to pack, clean, and prepare things for a week. Plus work, and two kids that are tagging along….I think I will be pretty much tied up tomorrow…so this is it….Fair well internetz…until I return, battered and beaten, frazzled and fried…..but hopefully…ready to face the world again, (because really, I dont have any other choice) see you next week…
* * * * * * *
….and just for good measure…and because I cant say it enough….
Click it already…
Its something that strikes a nerve every time I hear, or read the word. No, I havent had cancer, myself. But…it was an active part of my life a few years ago.
Emmy
My sister, the mom to the two kids I currently have custody of now, lost her battle with cancer at 28, July 7, 2005
But how it really effected my life, was when it took my daughter from me.
I dont think there are any other words that have sent chills up and down my spine than when I was in that small doctors office, being told that my little angel had that evil disease. That she had aggressive, brain tumors. I dont think there are any words that doesnt shake a parent in ways unthinkable, than to be told that your child has cancer.
November 2004.
It was not quite a month after her second birthday, when I took her in due to ear piercing screams from her, while she held her head. It wasnt what I had hoped for, approaching the holiday seasons, changing into a toddler, there wasnt time for a delay. There wasnt time for illness, there wasnt room for this in her life. They ran some test, took some blood, and sent us packing, they were busy with people who were in a car accident, they didnt have time to deal with my daughter who was just going through the “Terrible twos”. “Shes just itching for more attention, spend more time with her, make her stay in her bed” the “Ideas” were limitless.
A few weeks after her first appointment, I received the phone call, saying the doctor wanted to talk with us. I needed to come in, as soon as possible. He showed me X rays of her head, I had no idea what was coming. I was paranoid of the tiny room, and I had things to do, places to go, things that HAD to be done that day, I didnt have time to waste with him, as he showed me that she was alright. He sat down at his desk, took his glasses off, and stared my straight in the eyes, I purposely avoided his look, watching Emmy as she played with the germ infested toys that she had drug in with her. “Your daughter has brain tumor” I froze. What else could I do? What could I say? My mind froze. My body froze. He must have had the wrong files. It wasnt possible. I looked at him for answers, I searched his face for any signs of a cruel joke. But he was serious. It was the beginning of the end.
December 2004
A month later we boarded a plane, and headed for Seattle where she was to under go brain surgery. By that point, every possibility had been thought of, and the best option seemed to be to have her under go surgery. “Its a 50/50 shot” I could still hear his words ringing in my ears. “But if we dont do something now….” An aggressive, malignant tumor, growing, inside of her brain. Taking over her life. How could such an evil, dirty disease such as cancer be in her body? It didnt seem possible still. December 11th, she under went surgery.
While she was in surgery, I spent the 8 hours it took pacing the halls fearing the worse, wondering if I had made the right decision. “Its a 50/50 shot” kept ringing in my ears. But what if the odds were against her. Aside from being told not to consider the “What ifs” about it, I couldnt help myself.
Emmy was my everything. Not only was she my daughter, my angel, and my princess, she was my reason, my life, my morning and evening. After loosing my wife two years prior, Emmy took the top notch of being #1. Her heart exploded with love, and she loved everyone as much as a two year old could. She had no fear, but rather, boldly walked into the hospitals, proclaiming loudly, “HI, I ME!” Her way of introducing herself. She could win her way into anyones heart, any day. Her big hugs, wet whispers and slobbery kisses were to die for. She could love and laugh like nobodies business. Even at a young age, her personality shone through, and it was quite clear that she had her own style about her.
She won over every nurse and doctor there was in Seattle, and made great progress in the way of recovery. “She might have some brain damage, or memory loss, we wont know for sure how extensive things will be until she recovers completely” But when she came to after being in surgery, and the smile slowly peeled across her face, it was clear “Emmy” was still there. But it was far from over. The doctor wasnt happy with the surgery, saying that while it went well, she would still need to under go chemo in the near future. He wanted her to recover completely, however, before putting her through any more.
January 2005
January 1st 2005 – Its my birthday, and I really dont care, the only thing I wish for is that she will come through. I only want her to be ok, and for her to live a normal life. I wish I could trade her places, its so hard to watch her go through this. Her screams cut right to my center, and her eyes read with the pain she is in. I dont care what happens, as long as she comes out ok.
They sent her back to our local hospital the 8th of January. Two days later, the doctors told me not to expect her to make it through the night. There was nothing more they could do for her, and it was clear that she was going down hill….at a rapid speed. As night neared, the doctors continued to tell me to expect the worse, and all together, gave up on any hope of her recovery.
Emmy passed away January 11th, 8:45 pm.
She was 2 years 3 months and 11 days.
The night she joined her mom, I watched the night sky light up with the rarely seen Northern lights. They are common for further north, but a rare sight here. If they do happen along, its usually just a green light in the distance. January 11th, was an acception, as the whole sky light up with pinks, whites and greens that danced across the sky. Emmy was a very loving little girl, with a heart bigger than life. She loved everyone, and perhaps taught me one of lifes greatest lessons….
“Life is to short, to not smile” Because as she saw it, there was always something to smile about….she left a deep impression on my heart, as any child would to a parent, to say I taught her something wouldnt be true. To say she taught me something, would be more accurate.
Its been three years since shes been gone, and not a day goes by that I dont think about her, and her big heart. I wonder sometimes, if there was something I could have done to prevent her tumors, if maybe, as people often told me, “I caused her to much stress, or messed up her diet” I do know that cancer is an evil, dreadful disease, and it effect not only my daughters life, but mine as well.
Forever and always, my angel you will be
Ive been working on this post for some time now, but when I found this link on someone elses site, I figured now would be as good a time as ever…go ahead. Click on it.
