“The moment you take your first breath, your dying.”
It’s the all too common statement. “Live like you were dying” as the song goes, and as most people love to say. Sure. It sounds great. I mean, why not? But I don’t think too many people realize, just what they are saying. I know I never gave it much thought until I heard the above statement, words put in a different order to mean the same thing, put a new spin on the sentence.
Sure, it was meant well. Live like you were to die tomorrow. Leave no room for regrets. It sounds great. But I took offence to it. And its bothered me ever since.
Its taken me a long time to reach this point, and now that Im here, I would rather not have things disrupted because of a simple statement.
Years ago, I could care less if I opened my eyes the next morning, often going to bed, wishing, and hoping I wouldn’t live to see the light of day, and when the morning sun rose like it has every day of my 32 years – I would curse its existence. Wishing I weren’t there to see it.
When people say “Live like you were dying” I think what they assume is that you will do as that song says. Live it up. Party hard. Love with more passion. Take more chances. Hold no grudges. But really – to live like you were dying, I would assume, is nothing like that.
I often think about what I would do, if I had known. If I had known they weren’t going to make it to see another day. I wonder what I would do if when Emmy were born, I saw her with a ticking clock above her head. Constantly knowing that time was ticking down – and I knew when she would be gone. I don’t think it would be very pretty. Infact, I know it wouldn’t. Because when I was told she wouldn’t make it through the night I didn’t burst down the hospital walls to go sky diving. I didn’t run out and tell complete strangers I love them – I shook my head at the doctors words and told him to watch. That she would prove him wrong, and then I spent the next few hours telling her the same thing. I never said good bye. I didn’t say good bye, infact, until a few years later.
To get up each morning takes courage. Knowing. That it could be the last day, sure. But if I spend too much time thinking about it, life itself, would loose all meaning. I wouldn’t spend my time living, I would spend my time living – as if I were already dead. I wouldn’t try to better things, there would be no point. If I saw a ticking clock above the ones I love – I would see no point to continue. Knowing that they would be gone so soon. To say that one should live like they were dying, means something different to me than it does the average person.
I don’t WANT to live like I am dying. Because although it has taken me a long time to get to this point – I don’t WANT to die. I want to be here to see the kids grow up, and see where life takes them. I want to see whats around the corner. I don’t want to think about the looming possibility that they could be gone any second now. I already think about that enough. I don’t want to love them like they will be gone tomorrow – because that would be loving with limit. And I want to love them, freely. As they are. And not out of sympathy, or fear.
To live like you are dying; to think that you are dying from your first breath…
While I know the point is well meant, I think there are better ways to word it. Life is short. Its short enough as is without putting these unrealistic limits on things. And holding yourself to these morbid sayings. I for one, want to live like I am living. If you want to live like you are dying, then go to a hospital room, hold the one you love the most and beg, plead for them to come back. Knowing they are already gone, and there is nothing you can do. I don’t want to relieve those moments, and I certainly don’t want to live everyday like that.
I want to live with no regrets, and smile like I wont get to smile again. I want to love the ones I love, freely. And I want to get up in the morning, smile at the sun, and make up for lost time. And while I never thought I would get to the point where I would ever be able to say this again…I.
Want to live.
Instead of living like you were dying, why not live…like you were living?
