I lamely attempt to sum up, yet another week.
What happens:
If Im stretched to my limit, and its not over yet…
If Ive dealt with things this long, expecting things to break at some point, and the only thing that has broken is my hopes on ever leading a somewhat, normal life…
If Ive been asked all the questions I can answer, and they still don’t stop…
If Ive come to that point where I can simply not go any further…but we are far from “There” yet…Then what?
What happens when I reach the point of no return. The place I dread to be and yet there is no way out.
I wish someone could say what to do and how to do it. Because while I hate people telling me what to do, atleast then when things go wrong, I can say “Ah ha! Your fault, I always knew better”. Atleast then I would have someone to blame if things went wrong, but better yet, Id have someone who actually thought what I was doing was right…and not constantly arguing my case.
It seems like Ive reached that point where I want to please everyone. I want to make all the right moves because I want people to think what Im doing is right, but more than that I really want to be doing whats right for the kids. It seems that Ive reached the point where absolutely no one thinks what I am doing is right, and you know what? I think they might know something I don’t, Im just not smart enough to figure out what it is. It seems like everyone is sitting there, watching, just waiting until I screw up (because we all know I will) so they can say “Ah ha! I was right all along, you were wrong, should have listened to me”…and I can agree. Telling them that yes, they knew.
So what happens when I reach the point where Im tired of people telling me everything Im doing is wrong, that Im screwing EVERYHING up, that everything I thought was going ok, is far from ok, and the things I knew were wrong, well, they are so far gone there is simply no hope. I wonder if the next time we go out, someone will see us, or see the kids, and see that they are in color coordinating clothes (what that even means is beyond me) or they might notice Josh hasn’t had a bath for a few days, or that Dylan needs a hair cut, or that Madisons jeans are a size too small. I wonder if the next time Josh flips out in public if I will get turned in, because lets face it, that isn’t a far out thought.
What happens when I wish we could just slip away in the night, become different people, and restart, from scratch. Start over from the bottom up. What then?
What happens when I reach that point, and I crack under the pressure (because I never said I was good with this kind of stuff) and I say “Ok, forget it” and I give up all that Ive been working for the past few years. What happens then. Will the people who told me all along that I was doing things the wrong way, finally start giving advice, since Im following their ideas?
Its just. So frustrating. Im not saying Im giving up on anything. Im not saying Im going to quit trying, even though, right now, I really would like to. Im not saying that when things arent going so hot, and that no one really sees what Im doing and why Im doing it, that I have a clear view either. Im not saying I know what Im doing, and that other people don’t know best. Im not even saying that I don’t like getting advice from other people. Im just saying that…Ive reached that point. The breaking point. The point where I am ready to just quit…and even though I wont…I want to.
Im ready for it all to just be over with, and right now, I don’t care how it ends. Im ready for it to end, and to be left alone in the dust – because atleast then. ATLEAST I wont be told that Im doing something wrong – because I wont be doing anything at all.
Im not saying anything, really. Except that Im tired. Im frustrated. Im ready to give up any hope that there ever might have been, and start over. From who knows where. But since we all know that will never happen, I will get up, and carry on…continue doing everything wrong – because atleast that’s something I can do right.
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Dave, you deserve to have custody of your kids. You are there for them, even though you don’t think you are.
About being frustrated. Every family without a “routine” is our of control. I don’t mean routine in a rigid way but in a way that kids know what comes next.
You know that I direct summer camps: 10 weeks of 125 mostly new campers who arrive without a clue of what to do or where to go. Being kids they are probably thinking about the basics first food and where to dump their stuff. After the first day they know the basics and they know what they are going to do the next day and the next day… They have learned the schedule. Believe me, with 125 kids and staff in the woods, we need a schedule!
We keep is simple because with kids you need to. We also involve them in the planning because if they helped they feel a sense of accomplishment and more importantly, responsibility.
Have a family meeting. Point out the issue “Uncle Dave cannot do everything by himself.” Let the kids help make a list of things that need to happen and then figure out when they will happen and who will do them.
Things like: Dirty clothes need to get in the hamper – Everyone is responsible for putting their own dirty clothes in the hamper every evening. Laundry is done at least two days a week – Dave loads the washer, Madison puts the wet laundry in the dryer and Madison and Dylan fold the finished clothes and divide them into stacks according to wearer. Everyone puts their own clothes away on laundry day.
This was the laundry routine in my house when I was growing up. With 7 kids, laundry was done 4 days a week and when we came home we each had a pile of clean clothes on the kitchen table that we took to our rooms and put away.
There was also a schedule for dish washing – no automatic dishwasher in our house. The 3 older kids either cleared the table or washed the dishes – one had the day off. The 3 younger kids rotated between clearing the table, drying the dishes or putting the dishes away. No questions -that was just the way it was.
My dad had a jar in the kitchen that held lunch money for the week. He filled it every Sunday with exactly enough money for each of us to get our lunch money on our way out the door before school. If we forgot our lunch money, oh well and even though the elementary school was only a block away my mom did not rescue us by bringing our lunch money to school. Believe me, after a few days without lunch, we remembered our lunch money!
Ask the kids to help. Keep it simple and follow it. Kids like to know what comes next. It helps them feel secure and when they are involved they learn to take responsibility.
Try it.
Comment by Kathy U June 22, 2009 @ 5:12 am