Tunnel Vision

Being on a limited income doesnt bother me much. The only part that bothers me, is the not knowing how much its going to be. It not only makes it hard to plan ahead, it, at times, sends waves of panic down my spine. With two jobs, its a little easier. I atleast know what Ill be getting at the one, and whatever the other makes? Its a bonus. Except…..one thing. I just realized something as I sat down to fork out the monthly bills. My one job, is actually costing me money, with gas now. I can make…maybe….2 trips, two out, two back. On one tank of gas, and as I drove by the pump this evening it caught me a little off guard…a little more than the last time…which has driven me to the thought that, Im going to have to cut that job, unless I can get a ride. Because 4.10 a gal is not only ridiculous, it hurts!

Ive been fairly good about biking to work the past few days, and even though its poured down rain on me both ways for about a week now, Ive done it. The only time I have to drive is when I go to town, which, is now, down to twice weekly. Monday and Thursday – for meetings. But….Im suppose to be spending 1/2 my days out at the other end of town…my other job. Which takes about 1/2 a gal round trip. Ouch.

I know, Im lucky…no rent payment, actually, if I had a rent payment, I think I most likely would be homeless. I dont have a heating fuel bill either, which is, really…another good thing. But…I have an electric bill, and while its not ALL that high, its high enough. Plus, the gas bill, and the credit card bills. Food, smokes, and cat supplies comes at the very bottom of the list. Honestly? I dont know how I managed before with 4 kids, drinking, smoking AND rent payment on top of it all. Sometimes, it really seems the more I cut, the more I owe.

But now…I have a REAL problem.

Well…another real problem.

July is fast approaching, as Ive mentioned a time or two, and anyone who looks at the calender would know. Another problem arizes. IF I am to get the kids back…say…sometime after July 15th, if all goes well? Er…what am I going to do with them when I work? I mean, like….my work doesnt offer day care – ha ha. I dont really know if leaving a 11 & 9 yr old home alone, would be the smartest thing to do, and if it is, I certainly couldnt mention that to the state. I entertained the idea of summer school for a while…but that didnt last long. For one thing, school gets out at 3, and with summer schools, the bus doesnt run…so Id have to pick them up at 3, and I work until 4. Plus, I dont think they would want to do school in the summer…rather…mean?

I thought about the neighbors…but the thought of “Hello…Im your neighbor, I live over there…in that dumpy house….yea, nice to meet you too…hey would you mind watching these kids for the summer” didnt sound to promising, or…for that matter….smart. I had a really hard time finding babysitters for them when I had them last time, and not because they are bad kids…just that not many people like to babysit…and of course my odd hours didnt help much. So I turned to my last idea this afternoon, and while on break at work, I called…every single day care center in town, and the lowest price I got, was $600 a month,Plus, if I was late picking them up? An extra $100. Per kid. Plus if I wanted them fed? More money, more money that I dont have! The list went on and on until I thanked them, and hung up…in a state of confusion, and thought to myself, “I should start a day care center!”, but that was a very VERY brief thought.

So now Im stuck wondering. IF, and a big IF. IF I am to get the kids back, and everything goes well, or, should I say extraordinarily bizarre, and somehow I land myself with three kids, what, do I do with them when Im at work? Is 11,9, (and maybe, a 3 almost 4 year old) to young to leave at home, alone? Is this pushing thing a bit? What do people do with their kids…during the day? So I ask you, internets…what would YOU do? Or, you know, recommend, I do?