Tunnel Vision

Their bed finally took shape late last night, 1/2 the room is painted, and by tomorrow night their room should be finished, atleast for now. While the rest of the house is still in chaos, atleast one room is almost finished…but…as far upwards as things are looking for them, things are looking just as far down, for Josh, and his case.

Back, March 07 was the last time I saw him when he left to spent 2 months with his dad. Routine. That went bad. Because not a month later, I was sitting in the states office, yelling, because I wasnt going to be taking them home that night. Its been over a year now. Since that day. Its been over a year since I gave him a hug and watched as the 2 year old I knew, drug his bear by the arm, holding a strangers hand, as she led him to the plane. He didnt turn around, he didnt fight. He knew the routine better than I did. Yet, its been over a year now, and from what Ive been told, he isnt 2 anymore. Infact, he most likely will be 4 by the time I get him back, if I do.

I dont remember the exact day, or much of anything really, as hard as I try, those time were a big blur, a fuzzy mess with 4 kids and I stuck in the middle. It was the mid part of June, of 06. The first time I lost my “temp custody” of the kids. It was in a debate over who got Josh. His dad had suddenly sparked interest in him, and decided he wanted full custody of him, which resulted in me loosing what custody I had. In a frantic to get the kids back, I agreed to do split time, and a few weeks later, was sending him off for the first time, hoping for the best. He was a month shy of 2 at the time. Having spent 2 weeks with a family he didnt know, then being sent off with some stranger, who eventually handed him off to another family. He dropped his bear, and took off screaming in my direction, that time, it was me who didnt look back.

When I lost the kids this time, it was made clear that it wasnt temporary this time. That this time, I had to complete a list of things before they even considered letting me “in” About the same time, Joshs dad was put back in jail for drugs (big surprise there) and Josh was sent back up here, and put in foster care.

Apparantly sometime between then and now, his dad is out of jail, and showing “interest in his son” basically, in my opinion, hes up to what he was the first time – no good. However, the state has some “legal” issues with him being Josh’s legal dad. There is also, the small issue, that after spending a year in foster care, a couple who have had him, decided they wanted to adopt him. Then, theres me, who after a year of attempts – finally have made it to a point where Im legally able to regain custody, and eventually, adopt him, and hopefully stop all this nonsense.

If only, it were that simple.

No matter how much, or how little, his dad has done, he still has the “biological father” card. Which in the states opinion, I guess has the highest power. Secondly, there is a family, all lined up, approved, and ready to go with adoption, that has been put on hold. Then…theres me, who, obviously has no playing power. Just…a strange, weird man, wanting to adopt him as well. Right now, things arent looking to good. The closer I get to getting the older two kids, the further I get from getting Josh. The last I heard was that his case is now “confidential” which really, isnt good. Because now? Its just a waiting game, waiting to see who does what, see who gets what, and finally, where Josh goes.

Its been on my mind A LOT lately. Coming to an end with the room, has almost finalized that…now that the bed is done, and the oldest two most likely will be coming home soon, theres only one thing left to focus on, and thats Josh, who currently seems nothing more than a distant dream.